I am sated with music and Christmas tonight. I just got back from a Christmas Wind Ensemble concert. Four members of my family played and, though I’m not biased at all, I think it went very well and if I heard a squawk or two from the clarinet section I would never mention it!
It took place in the Bowdoin College Chapel which is stunning. I remember it seeming huge when I was there as a child, and ancient. The pews are set sideways along the aisle so the patrons can see the grand processionals. Along the walls are darkly stained wood panels and above those are murals painted on the walls that are 20 feet or more in height that depict scenes from the Bible. It was all Very Impressive.
And yet for all that the first thought that I had when I walked in was surprise at how small the chapel was. It couldn’t have been more than 60 feet long. Partway through the program my imagination hijacked the rest of my mind and took me for a bit of a ride. I had been gazing at the painting in front of me for a while listening to the music when I happened to glance upward. Above the murals were painted geometric shapes that interweave amongst each other and above that was the roof. This wasn’t any roof, this roof was painted the perfect sky blue that Michel Angelo used for the Sistine Chapel. Over this canvas was sprinkled shining, golden stars. I think they were Star of David’s though I can’t quite recall. The supporting beams were carved and painted to match.
When I saw, truly saw, how tall this small chapel was something clicked, or snapped, in my mind and the perspective shifted. This wasn’t a forty or fifty foot tall solid stone building, this was a dolls-house size chapel that was waiting for the small girl it was crafted for to tear open the wrappings and lift the hinged roof to stare in awe at her new toy. I could see the roof tilt upwards and the shining eyes widen in surprise. I could hear the “Oh! Oh!” the exclamations of “Look at the darling little people! And the pretty walls! Oh! Real electric lights that work!” Brendan, who was conducting, became a mechanical puppet who moved along with the rest of his band when a key was turned. This Christmas toy rivaled both Drosselmeyer’s creation and Princess Margaret’s Dollhouse.
After blinking firmly once or twice I could see that the people around me were real and that the building wasn’t a dollhouse but a substantial, solid building that’s well over a hundred years old. But over the evening my vision kept slipping between realities.
Now I’m home with more Christmas music playing and the smell of fresh baked cookies wafting through the air and now I can believe that Christmas has come. I can also almost, almost believe that somewhere a little girl just opened the best present she has ever gotten.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Reflections
I'm home for Christmas now. I've actually been home since late Thursday night or early Friday morning depending on how you look at things. Emilie came with me. We're going to Sandy and Andrea's wedding today up around Waterville. Emilie was going to have to drive up this morning after getting back from the choir trip to DC at 5 in the morning. Not so much fun, eh? However she has laryngitis and is barred from singing for another week by her music teacher. So she came with me instead.
We just might get the apartment after all. We have to get permission from the college to move off campus, which is mildly ridicules. I'll be 22 by the time we move in and I'm responsible. I can guarantee that I'm much, much too staid to have parties lasting half the night or whatever else they’re worried about. It would just be Emilie and I if we actually can do this.
The one we’re thinking of is the smaller of the 2 apt that we viewed. It’s described as “one and a half bedrooms” and has an antique heating system that seems to work beautifully still. Sorry, no pictures. The family that’s there now is still moving out so there was a lot of stuff everywhere.
The semester is finally over. It’s done. I passed. I passed my first Med/Surg class with Ms. Pusey and I passed Mrs. Diller’s OB class in which she plays favorites and I passed Pharmacology even though I had no time to study for it. At the beginning of the semester the teachers told us that we would have to work hard but when we think about it afterwards we would see that it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t believe them then. I’m still trying to decide if I believe them now. I don’t think so.
This semester destroyed me; physically, emotionally, and spiritually too, though I’m ashamed to admit it. I don’t actually remember large portions of the semester. I know that I went through the last week of Med/Surg but I don’t remember doing it. I didn’t ever realize that until someone in second rotation ask me what to expect and I realized that I didn’t have a blessed clue. About half of OB is a complete blur to me. I remember impressions and feelings, but not actual events.
It’s a very odd feeling to realize that it’s only 7 days until Christmas. It feels to me like it should be at most November 18 instead of December 18. Looking back to summer confuses me because I feel like school has just started but also that it has been going on forever. Microbiology seems an age ago and last semester longer then a life time. It wasn’t though because it all just finished.
So to recapitulate, I have got a lot of knowledge in the past five months but very little wisdom. In addition, the knowledge I have has been leaking out of my brain because it’s reached full capacity and more stuff keeps coming. Some of what overflowed was my memory, because that’s “obviously” expendable.
Its okay folks, I’ve come to an end of my rambles. No more torture for you. For now that is. Just wait ‘til next year.
We just might get the apartment after all. We have to get permission from the college to move off campus, which is mildly ridicules. I'll be 22 by the time we move in and I'm responsible. I can guarantee that I'm much, much too staid to have parties lasting half the night or whatever else they’re worried about. It would just be Emilie and I if we actually can do this.
The one we’re thinking of is the smaller of the 2 apt that we viewed. It’s described as “one and a half bedrooms” and has an antique heating system that seems to work beautifully still. Sorry, no pictures. The family that’s there now is still moving out so there was a lot of stuff everywhere.
The semester is finally over. It’s done. I passed. I passed my first Med/Surg class with Ms. Pusey and I passed Mrs. Diller’s OB class in which she plays favorites and I passed Pharmacology even though I had no time to study for it. At the beginning of the semester the teachers told us that we would have to work hard but when we think about it afterwards we would see that it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t believe them then. I’m still trying to decide if I believe them now. I don’t think so.
This semester destroyed me; physically, emotionally, and spiritually too, though I’m ashamed to admit it. I don’t actually remember large portions of the semester. I know that I went through the last week of Med/Surg but I don’t remember doing it. I didn’t ever realize that until someone in second rotation ask me what to expect and I realized that I didn’t have a blessed clue. About half of OB is a complete blur to me. I remember impressions and feelings, but not actual events.
It’s a very odd feeling to realize that it’s only 7 days until Christmas. It feels to me like it should be at most November 18 instead of December 18. Looking back to summer confuses me because I feel like school has just started but also that it has been going on forever. Microbiology seems an age ago and last semester longer then a life time. It wasn’t though because it all just finished.
So to recapitulate, I have got a lot of knowledge in the past five months but very little wisdom. In addition, the knowledge I have has been leaking out of my brain because it’s reached full capacity and more stuff keeps coming. Some of what overflowed was my memory, because that’s “obviously” expendable.
Its okay folks, I’ve come to an end of my rambles. No more torture for you. For now that is. Just wait ‘til next year.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Busyness
Apartment-
The guy called back and we're seeing it tomorrow. It looks like we might actually be leaving the dorm. Please keep praying that it works out it this is the right thing/place. I'm starting to get panic-y about the whole on-my-own-responsible-adult thing. And that's with a lot of help from kind and loving parents.
School- yeah, still have 2 tests left. didn't get the pharmacology final done because it's postponed until Friday at 8 am. School officially ends on Thursday. The girls dorm starts charging you if your here after school is out. I'm going to talk with the dean.
Dorm-
On top of everything else that's going on in that area there's bedbugs now. Not on my hall, praise God! But that's still disgusting. I also should move out completely if I'm actually getting the apartment.
That's all, I think. Could be wrong, you never know. I'll keep you updated on the Amazing Adventures of the Stressed Out College Student! Oh joy.
The guy called back and we're seeing it tomorrow. It looks like we might actually be leaving the dorm. Please keep praying that it works out it this is the right thing/place. I'm starting to get panic-y about the whole on-my-own-responsible-adult thing. And that's with a lot of help from kind and loving parents.
School- yeah, still have 2 tests left. didn't get the pharmacology final done because it's postponed until Friday at 8 am. School officially ends on Thursday. The girls dorm starts charging you if your here after school is out. I'm going to talk with the dean.
Dorm-
On top of everything else that's going on in that area there's bedbugs now. Not on my hall, praise God! But that's still disgusting. I also should move out completely if I'm actually getting the apartment.
That's all, I think. Could be wrong, you never know. I'll keep you updated on the Amazing Adventures of the Stressed Out College Student! Oh joy.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Almost finished
I only have three more finals and the NLN left. I can focus on OB and Pharmacology now as I have finished with pediatrics. I don't feel quite so sinking. But time is still an issue.
In our...abundant...spare time Emilie and I have been apartment hunting. The dorm has gotten worse noise-wise and the cafeteria never has anything that Em can eat anymore. The problem is that everything in the area is very expensive. We are poor college students and can't afford to each spend $300-$400 a month, not counting utilities. We found a couple of less expensive apartments in the area and gave them a call. Now we're waiting for a reply. The question is, how long do you wait before you try calling again?
We've both been praying a lot that the right thing works out. At this point it seems to me as though it will take God's direct intervention to actually get out of the dorm this coming semester. There are just so many factors that would have to be just right and happen just at the right time. I wish we could have started intensely looking earlier in the semester (much earlier) but it really wasn't possible.
I finally got a hold of the right person to ask about the 40 community service hours we have to have before graduation. It turns out that there is an official form that has to be filled out with people's signatures and all. When I went and spoke with the women in charge of that department last spring she was quite brusque with me and didn't really give me any information or forms or anything. This time I spoke with a student worker who was very helpful.
To get credit for the 20+ hours I volunteered over the summer I need to fill out a form, get the supervisors signature on *that* form instead of the homemade one I whipped up, get my advisor's signature, and write a 3 page paper on what I learned or some such thing. I got an extra form for winter break, just in case.
Mmmm, must go study for the next exam. Home on Thursday! Yay!
In our...abundant...spare time Emilie and I have been apartment hunting. The dorm has gotten worse noise-wise and the cafeteria never has anything that Em can eat anymore. The problem is that everything in the area is very expensive. We are poor college students and can't afford to each spend $300-$400 a month, not counting utilities. We found a couple of less expensive apartments in the area and gave them a call. Now we're waiting for a reply. The question is, how long do you wait before you try calling again?
We've both been praying a lot that the right thing works out. At this point it seems to me as though it will take God's direct intervention to actually get out of the dorm this coming semester. There are just so many factors that would have to be just right and happen just at the right time. I wish we could have started intensely looking earlier in the semester (much earlier) but it really wasn't possible.
I finally got a hold of the right person to ask about the 40 community service hours we have to have before graduation. It turns out that there is an official form that has to be filled out with people's signatures and all. When I went and spoke with the women in charge of that department last spring she was quite brusque with me and didn't really give me any information or forms or anything. This time I spoke with a student worker who was very helpful.
To get credit for the 20+ hours I volunteered over the summer I need to fill out a form, get the supervisors signature on *that* form instead of the homemade one I whipped up, get my advisor's signature, and write a 3 page paper on what I learned or some such thing. I got an extra form for winter break, just in case.
Mmmm, must go study for the next exam. Home on Thursday! Yay!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
hmmm, work...
I've been in the nursing department from 8 this morning and I will be here until 9 tonight, with only 2 half hour breaks, one for lunch and one for supper. The amazing think is that I've actually been studying/working the whole time. Well, almost the whole time. There was about 1/2 an hour.... weel...about five of us were "studying" just not *really*... But that hardly counts....
For those of you who want to know my exam schedule is as follows:
1) Pediatric exam on Friday
2) Pediatric final on Monday
3) pharmacology final on Tuesday
4) OB unit 4 exam on Tuesday
5) OB cumulative on Wednesday
6) NLN on Wednesday
The NLN doesn't count towards my grade, it's a national standardized test that we have to take.
Other people are here talking about what we/I need to study for on the Pedi test and I'm getting nervous. Byeya,
Debb
For those of you who want to know my exam schedule is as follows:
1) Pediatric exam on Friday
2) Pediatric final on Monday
3) pharmacology final on Tuesday
4) OB unit 4 exam on Tuesday
5) OB cumulative on Wednesday
6) NLN on Wednesday
The NLN doesn't count towards my grade, it's a national standardized test that we have to take.
Other people are here talking about what we/I need to study for on the Pedi test and I'm getting nervous. Byeya,
Debb
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
It's Finished!
Clinicals, that is, and in one week school will be too. I'm just starting to believe that this semester won't go on forever. I didn't quite believe it near the end. And when I did I wished that it wouldn't because I would have to go through the last week and a half of school. Now I'm in the middle of it and am blessedly numb.
I really have very little to say. Not much has been happening that is worth writing down. I just keep thinking that if I don't write for a while everyone will think I've curled up and died under a mountain of work. It's not like I actually get to talk to people, you know.
It's exactly 20 miles to the hospital I had clinicals at this semester. I've be going there at least 2 days a week for 3 months and I just realized that today, on the last day.
I think I'm getting sick. Emilie has laryngitis, which is great being a voice major and having her major Final be singing, and I think I got her bug. When I woke up this morning my throat was raw and my nose was stuffy. Oh joy.
Some of the Med/Surg students on my hall were up last night working on their Care Plan when I went to bed and were sill up when I left for clinicals at 5:30. The presentation was (is still?) today.
A thoughtful Pearl Harbor Day to you.
Debb
I really have very little to say. Not much has been happening that is worth writing down. I just keep thinking that if I don't write for a while everyone will think I've curled up and died under a mountain of work. It's not like I actually get to talk to people, you know.
It's exactly 20 miles to the hospital I had clinicals at this semester. I've be going there at least 2 days a week for 3 months and I just realized that today, on the last day.
I think I'm getting sick. Emilie has laryngitis, which is great being a voice major and having her major Final be singing, and I think I got her bug. When I woke up this morning my throat was raw and my nose was stuffy. Oh joy.
Some of the Med/Surg students on my hall were up last night working on their Care Plan when I went to bed and were sill up when I left for clinicals at 5:30. The presentation was (is still?) today.
A thoughtful Pearl Harbor Day to you.
Debb
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Mmmm, snow
I woke up this morning and it was snowing. I love snow. Well, I love it when it is snowing. I'm not so happy with the cleaning it up afterwards. But SO would rather have snow than rain. I've been playing Christmas music with the twinkle lights on in my room while I study so I feel very Christmas-y today.I still have an incredible amount to do for school. I can't wait for the semester to be over. It would be nice to have the people from school without the huge workload or stress that goes with school. That, I know, isn't ever going to happen but it's a nice suppose.
Must get back to work now. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Debb
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wow
God is way good. Mrs. Diller postponed when the care plan is due until Tuesday at 4. This is actually the second time that it's postponed. It was supposed to be done this Tueday. As in two days ago.
I'm also still awake from the caffine. I got about 3 or 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm really wide awake. This is very good as with 7-8 hours of sleep I always almost fall asleep when Mrs. Diller is teaching. That would be a bad thing. Today I am paying the most attention that I ever have in OB. I hope that it lasts longer through the day. I still have a lot to do but I just might have time to do it all and I just might have the energy, too.
And? On top of everything else? The dorm is having double credit worships next week and I might actually be able to get all the worship credits in that I need. That means that I a) wouldn't have to pay money and b) wouldn't get a letter of warning. Can't really explain the penal code of the dorms but that's bad. It stays on your record for the rest of your stay in the dorm.
So? Yay! Happy me. Still stressed, but hopeful now.
I'm also still awake from the caffine. I got about 3 or 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm really wide awake. This is very good as with 7-8 hours of sleep I always almost fall asleep when Mrs. Diller is teaching. That would be a bad thing. Today I am paying the most attention that I ever have in OB. I hope that it lasts longer through the day. I still have a lot to do but I just might have time to do it all and I just might have the energy, too.
And? On top of everything else? The dorm is having double credit worships next week and I might actually be able to get all the worship credits in that I need. That means that I a) wouldn't have to pay money and b) wouldn't get a letter of warning. Can't really explain the penal code of the dorms but that's bad. It stays on your record for the rest of your stay in the dorm.
So? Yay! Happy me. Still stressed, but hopeful now.
Yep, that time's right
It really is almost 3 in the morning. I'm working on my care plan for OB and have been for the past almost 6 hours, with a few breaks due to friends emergencies and sometimes just needing to Stop. Working. On the &@ $#%* thing! I can't think of how much I still have to do.
There is a reason why I don't normally drink caffeinated beverages. So when I have to do something like this it actually works. I had 1 1/2 cups of Dr. Pepper (soda fountain cups) and half a large Vanilla Chia from Dunken Donuts. That was around 10. It's just starting to wear off.
I hoped to be done around 4. I don't think I will be but I'm going to stop anyhow. I do have class in the morning, after all. I think I might be able to nap in the afternoon. I hope. I don't think I'll be able to do a lot with the Pharmacology project that I should have in some form of organization by 4 as that's when my group is meeting with the teacher to go over what we have so far. Me? Nothing, almost. Incidently, 4 is also when the care plan is due, so I do have between 10:30 and 4 to work on it. Well, except for the time my Pharm group is meeting to review so it appears that we did more than throw something together at the last minute. Don't know how long that will take.
I also realized that I have one week and one day until finals are over. That means that I'm dead. Six exams in as many days. Two of those days are over the weekend. Five of those exams are in the same class. One of those exams is over information we haven't covered since the week before school started. Yeah, I'm in trouble.
*sigh* Pray for me. I need it.
There is a reason why I don't normally drink caffeinated beverages. So when I have to do something like this it actually works. I had 1 1/2 cups of Dr. Pepper (soda fountain cups) and half a large Vanilla Chia from Dunken Donuts. That was around 10. It's just starting to wear off.
I hoped to be done around 4. I don't think I will be but I'm going to stop anyhow. I do have class in the morning, after all. I think I might be able to nap in the afternoon. I hope. I don't think I'll be able to do a lot with the Pharmacology project that I should have in some form of organization by 4 as that's when my group is meeting with the teacher to go over what we have so far. Me? Nothing, almost. Incidently, 4 is also when the care plan is due, so I do have between 10:30 and 4 to work on it. Well, except for the time my Pharm group is meeting to review so it appears that we did more than throw something together at the last minute. Don't know how long that will take.
I also realized that I have one week and one day until finals are over. That means that I'm dead. Six exams in as many days. Two of those days are over the weekend. Five of those exams are in the same class. One of those exams is over information we haven't covered since the week before school started. Yeah, I'm in trouble.
*sigh* Pray for me. I need it.
Monday, November 28, 2005
The folly of teachers
Sooo. Anyone remember the Pharmacology exam that I took home to do over the break?
The one with 150 problems that "will take about 5 hours for you to research"? The one I had two panic attacks about? The one that took me at least 1 1/2 hours to do 30 problems before I took a good, hard look at everything else I had to do and decided to chucked it out the window, proverbially speaking? The one other nursing students spent all weekend working on?
Well, it turns out that the teacher took a copy of the test home with her and tried her hand at it over break. In clinics today she asked 2 students if they did the exam. They said "Yes." She laughed. It turns out that the author of this particular torture "had problems" answering her own questions!
Fie! Fie, I say!
The one with 150 problems that "will take about 5 hours for you to research"? The one I had two panic attacks about? The one that took me at least 1 1/2 hours to do 30 problems before I took a good, hard look at everything else I had to do and decided to chucked it out the window, proverbially speaking? The one other nursing students spent all weekend working on?
Well, it turns out that the teacher took a copy of the test home with her and tried her hand at it over break. In clinics today she asked 2 students if they did the exam. They said "Yes." She laughed. It turns out that the author of this particular torture "had problems" answering her own questions!
Fie! Fie, I say!
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Oh!
Vacation. Oh, vacation! Oh, oh, vacation. Yay, oh yay! Oh, Mmmmmm.
The traffic will be awful. I'm so glad I'm not going on 190. They only had one lane open. Some genius thought it would be a good idea to repaint lines on the busiest traffic day of they year. I don't hear anything to bad for 495 though. I'm listening to the radio, I found the station I had last year that plays continues Christmas music from the week before Thanksgiving until Christmas day.
I'm leaving at 9. I wanted to get out 1/2 hour earlier but I couldn't get a hold of one of the people I'm driving so we're sticking with the original plan.
The traffic will be awful. I'm so glad I'm not going on 190. They only had one lane open. Some genius thought it would be a good idea to repaint lines on the busiest traffic day of they year. I don't hear anything to bad for 495 though. I'm listening to the radio, I found the station I had last year that plays continues Christmas music from the week before Thanksgiving until Christmas day.
I'm leaving at 9. I wanted to get out 1/2 hour earlier but I couldn't get a hold of one of the people I'm driving so we're sticking with the original plan.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12 chapter test! Care Plan! 5 hour take-home test! Pharmacology test! Labor and delivery in clinicals! Teaching Paper! Bib cards! Busy! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Passing
Just got my grade of far in Pharmacology which, as you may have noticed, isn't my best class. Soooo... turns out I'm not doing as bad as I thought. I have a B so far. About an 88% so far. If I'm a total genius with neuro meds I could conceivably pull myself up to an A-. That would be very good.
Oh, and I just figured out one of my problems with OB. I've been trying to sit down and learn it all in one big session a day. This didn't work so well. I'm actually going to take my own advice for once and just pick up my books several times through the day and study for 20 to 30 minutes and no more. Good thing I figured it out now because we have another test on Tuesday.
It's also that time of year again...Pre-registration!!! Yay! Or not. I have an appointment with Mrs. Diller (Why yes! The teacher of the class I really, really, dislike is also my adviser. At least she likes me. She complemented my teeth today when I was making my appointment. Yes, my teeth.) today at 3:30 after Pharmacology. It shouldn't take a very long time as I only have the core nursing classes left to take for my associates. It's the bachelors degree that's going to give me fits trying to get it all in. Although all I have left is statistics and two religion classes besides my nursing classes. Hmmmmm….
Oh, and I just figured out one of my problems with OB. I've been trying to sit down and learn it all in one big session a day. This didn't work so well. I'm actually going to take my own advice for once and just pick up my books several times through the day and study for 20 to 30 minutes and no more. Good thing I figured it out now because we have another test on Tuesday.
It's also that time of year again...Pre-registration!!! Yay! Or not. I have an appointment with Mrs. Diller (Why yes! The teacher of the class I really, really, dislike is also my adviser. At least she likes me. She complemented my teeth today when I was making my appointment. Yes, my teeth.) today at 3:30 after Pharmacology. It shouldn't take a very long time as I only have the core nursing classes left to take for my associates. It's the bachelors degree that's going to give me fits trying to get it all in. Although all I have left is statistics and two religion classes besides my nursing classes. Hmmmmm….
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Indian Summer
When I went outside today the weather was beautiful. The sun was out and there was a gentle breeze that was pushing puffy clouds through the sky. It felt like it was spring already. It was wonderful. I saw so little of it. I had to work all afternoon in a hot, stuffy room that never seems to have sunlight reach it. I just caught a glimpse of what beauty and life and wonder was, then I was shut out from it all.
I caught a glimpse of what life was supposed to be like this weekend. Miss Elizabeth came down for the prayer conference that was held here at AUC. She stayed in my room for the weekend and we got to talk again. I also got to got to some of the meetings for the prayer conference. I reminded me what life used to be like. I also got a glimpse of what my life was supposed to be like. Not an "I will do this and this and this and marry this person and have X number of children" kind of thing, but a reminder that there is more to life than school and hanging out with friends and sometimes getting to read a book for fun.
In my mind I saw a peek of an abundant life. I don't know how to get to it though. I used to think that I knew, but I don't, not anymore at least. I ache for it, I crave it. But not enough. Not enough to sacrifice, to go without sleep, to risk failing. I'm stuck in this sham life because I can't seem to wake up to reality enough to risk everything I have now for all the glory life could be.
It was wonderful, that moment, that view of life. I can't write about it, I can't describe it. Everything in life wasn't perfect but I could see the harmony in it all and I could see God's hand guiding. I know that that is how life is meant to be seen, but I can't shift the paradigm.
In my mind I know that there is hope that I will find perfection, that there is strength for me to live. It's promised. But now I feel so weak and so hopeless that I will ever stand again. That I will ever see beyond the superficial and find what I was meant to be.
I don't know how to close. I have so many thoughts and yet my mind seems so empty when I try to type. Inside I think I might know what I need to do but I'm not sure of anything anymore. I fell as if I've fallen so far. Not out of His grace, never that, but so far from Him all the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is this...Pray for me.
I caught a glimpse of what life was supposed to be like this weekend. Miss Elizabeth came down for the prayer conference that was held here at AUC. She stayed in my room for the weekend and we got to talk again. I also got to got to some of the meetings for the prayer conference. I reminded me what life used to be like. I also got a glimpse of what my life was supposed to be like. Not an "I will do this and this and this and marry this person and have X number of children" kind of thing, but a reminder that there is more to life than school and hanging out with friends and sometimes getting to read a book for fun.
In my mind I saw a peek of an abundant life. I don't know how to get to it though. I used to think that I knew, but I don't, not anymore at least. I ache for it, I crave it. But not enough. Not enough to sacrifice, to go without sleep, to risk failing. I'm stuck in this sham life because I can't seem to wake up to reality enough to risk everything I have now for all the glory life could be.
It was wonderful, that moment, that view of life. I can't write about it, I can't describe it. Everything in life wasn't perfect but I could see the harmony in it all and I could see God's hand guiding. I know that that is how life is meant to be seen, but I can't shift the paradigm.
In my mind I know that there is hope that I will find perfection, that there is strength for me to live. It's promised. But now I feel so weak and so hopeless that I will ever stand again. That I will ever see beyond the superficial and find what I was meant to be.
I don't know how to close. I have so many thoughts and yet my mind seems so empty when I try to type. Inside I think I might know what I need to do but I'm not sure of anything anymore. I fell as if I've fallen so far. Not out of His grace, never that, but so far from Him all the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is this...Pray for me.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Untitled
Classes all day
Study all night
Quizzes and projects and tests.
Watch the lamp burn,
As the oil dissolves
The flame is flickering fast.
The soul of my body,
The spirit inside,
Falters and fades and dies.
Education, degree,
Money, and job.
That's the price I've set on myself.
One I may gain,
The other I've lost.
And then does the first really matter?
Study all night
Quizzes and projects and tests.
Watch the lamp burn,
As the oil dissolves
The flame is flickering fast.
The soul of my body,
The spirit inside,
Falters and fades and dies.
Education, degree,
Money, and job.
That's the price I've set on myself.
One I may gain,
The other I've lost.
And then does the first really matter?
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Holiday
Yesterday at chapel, which I didn't go to because I was franticly studying for my pharmacology test, the president made an announcement. In celebration of regaining complete accreditation Thanksgiving weekend will start on Tuesday at noon instead of Wednesday at noon. For nursing students this translates into Tuesday after Pharmacology finishes, which is about 3:30. We're supposed to have an "on-site clinical day", whatever that means, on Wednesday for OB but we'll just go from 7-12 on Tuesday to make up for the lost time.
I don't know when I'll be leaving as I'm bringing two people up to Maine and I don't know when they will want to go. I'm half way inclined to just leave at 8 or 9 in the morning Wednesday, leaving myself plenty of time to pack the night before. I don't know what I'll do.
I'm so not saying anything because I'm not supposed to know about it, but in 5 or 6 years AUC will be awesome. Can't give details 'cause officially I don't know details (or anything, remember?) but it'll be good. Keep posted for official announcements. There will also be an article in the Adventist review about all the changes going on here, with photography by... Jeremy! Not my story, so I won't tell it. If you want to know go bug him at his blog.
Hmmm, what else? I know there's lots of stuff but I just can't think of it or don't what to write about it (in the case of school, I think about that enough, I won't write about it too). So I guess I'll sign out now.
bye
I don't know when I'll be leaving as I'm bringing two people up to Maine and I don't know when they will want to go. I'm half way inclined to just leave at 8 or 9 in the morning Wednesday, leaving myself plenty of time to pack the night before. I don't know what I'll do.
I'm so not saying anything because I'm not supposed to know about it, but in 5 or 6 years AUC will be awesome. Can't give details 'cause officially I don't know details (or anything, remember?) but it'll be good. Keep posted for official announcements. There will also be an article in the Adventist review about all the changes going on here, with photography by... Jeremy! Not my story, so I won't tell it. If you want to know go bug him at his blog.
Hmmm, what else? I know there's lots of stuff but I just can't think of it or don't what to write about it (in the case of school, I think about that enough, I won't write about it too). So I guess I'll sign out now.
bye
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Good times
Don't have much time, but I had a really good weekend. My sister came to see me (Beth) and I got to hike a mountain, and I watched Batman Begins for the first time and The Transporter for the third or fourth, and I curled my hair and it stayed that way, and I had a two non-nursing non-fluffiness conversations in the same day, and I only have 3 days left of clinicals on Friday, and I had monsarella sticks (no idea how to spell that) and chocolate. Now I'm really busy and I don't know how I'm going to get everything done but I'm holding on to that happy feeling while I work. No panic for me! Not today at least.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Me as Tea
Chamomile Tea...
You are Chamomile Tea.
Your an original! Helpful to anyone in need and
always willing to lend a hand, you take action
but not through violence. People listen to you
for you have a knack for giving wonderful
advice! Many look up to you and you try your
best not to let them down. You have many
friends steadfast or no who consider themselves
lucky to be near you. You may have been hurt in
the past but you dont let that stand in your
way! You have a wonderful outlook on life and
try to see the good in people which is an
awesome gift!
What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla
"The Bowels of Hell"
I just got back from clinicals a little bit ago. I got changed, gathered my clothes, and carried them to the floor above mine where there is a washer and dryer. As I walked through the mostly deserted hall I overheard a snippet of a conversation. "The basement here is the bowels of hell, gosh." Not are like the bowels of hell, they are the bowels of hell. Skeptics beware. There is a hell and I know where it is now. In the basement of Preston Hall.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Will it break? It will not break! Oh, it broke.
I've tried to post 2 or 3 times this past week and it never worked, so I'm trying at the nursing lab. I just got the grades for the second pharmacology exam. Half the class failed. I wasn't in that half so I'm happy. Some lucky soul (interpret that how ever you like) actually got 98%. I didn't. I did pretty well; I tied with someone at 93%. That will bring my overall grade up to a B+, I think. I hope.
We're having our first OB test on Monday, another pharmacology test and a quiz on fetal monitoring (which we just went over in class, leaving me utterly bemused) on Tuesday. There is also three take-home pharmacology quizzes due Tuesday, new video's to watch this week for OB, the first bib card due Monday, along with the newborn assessment for clinicals which is also due Monday. Oh, and I should get the teaching report done for OB clinicals out of the way before class gets busy.
I really live in the nursing department. I never see anyone who isn't a nursing student. If I try to talk with people it always turns to nursing because that's all I can ever think about. The little amount of small talk that I used to be able to spin has disappeared in the wind. I feel forgotten by the world. How can I be friends with people I talk to once a week, if that? All that I used to be, everything that made me myself is slowly being sucked out of me until all that is left is nursing.
I truly didn't mean to get on about this, just now. I really didn't. It's been sitting in the back of my mind for almost a week and I guess that it just needed to come out. I'm really not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I guess I miss being a person and not just a nursing student.
We're having our first OB test on Monday, another pharmacology test and a quiz on fetal monitoring (which we just went over in class, leaving me utterly bemused) on Tuesday. There is also three take-home pharmacology quizzes due Tuesday, new video's to watch this week for OB, the first bib card due Monday, along with the newborn assessment for clinicals which is also due Monday. Oh, and I should get the teaching report done for OB clinicals out of the way before class gets busy.
I really live in the nursing department. I never see anyone who isn't a nursing student. If I try to talk with people it always turns to nursing because that's all I can ever think about. The little amount of small talk that I used to be able to spin has disappeared in the wind. I feel forgotten by the world. How can I be friends with people I talk to once a week, if that? All that I used to be, everything that made me myself is slowly being sucked out of me until all that is left is nursing.
I truly didn't mean to get on about this, just now. I really didn't. It's been sitting in the back of my mind for almost a week and I guess that it just needed to come out. I'm really not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I guess I miss being a person and not just a nursing student.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Happy Halloween folks!
Apparently the school nurse (who wears a bright orange wig and is a little odd) has a large, black spider with flashing eyes residing in "her" hair today. I haven't seen it myself. I just saw the other nursing students doubled over with laughter. It was quite a show.
Saturday night was the barn party. It was pretty fun, if you like lots of people and lots of noise. There was fresh donuts and hot cider and a hayride and bonfire. I have picture that I'll share later.
I'll be in class until 3 this afternoon because there isn't clinicals today. Isn't that fun? But Mrs. Diller is very generous with breaks. 2 hours for lunch!
No trick or treating for me. I haven't heard of anyone going and if there was I don't have anything to dress up in and I really should study for the pharmacology exam tomorrow. Yes, that's the one that was postponed.
I've been saying this for about a month, but I really want a masquerade. Just like trick or treating but without the pagan symbolism! Well, or the candy, but something's gotta give.
Saturday night was the barn party. It was pretty fun, if you like lots of people and lots of noise. There was fresh donuts and hot cider and a hayride and bonfire. I have picture that I'll share later.
I'll be in class until 3 this afternoon because there isn't clinicals today. Isn't that fun? But Mrs. Diller is very generous with breaks. 2 hours for lunch!
No trick or treating for me. I haven't heard of anyone going and if there was I don't have anything to dress up in and I really should study for the pharmacology exam tomorrow. Yes, that's the one that was postponed.
I've been saying this for about a month, but I really want a masquerade. Just like trick or treating but without the pagan symbolism! Well, or the candy, but something's gotta give.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Hi!
I'm hyper. Really, really hyper. I've been in the nursing department from 8 in the morning until now with only a half hour break for lunch. It's 4:30 now. I'm going to be here until nine tonight because I have to work from 6-9. I can't sit still. I can't study any more because I can't focus. Really, really hyper. Tried jumping jacks but that needs too much discipline. People keep asking me where I have been for the past I don't know how long. The answer? Here in the nursing lab, studying. All day.
This is my seventieth post. Did you know that?
I'm not crazy. Really.
This is my seventieth post. Did you know that?
I'm not crazy. Really.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Caught up?
I feel a little bit at a loss as to what I should do. I have gotten use to a sense of urgency, of "Oh no! I have five projects due this week and half that are due tomorrow! I must stay up all night! The sleep I get must be fitful and unrestful! I must get a stress ulcer!" I got use to that in the past month to month and a half that now I don't know what to do.
I have a quiz tomorrow, a test next Tuesday, two more videos to watch, and Bib card due some time soon but I don't know when and that's all for this coming week (that's not for clinical, which doesn't quite count because I can't work on that stuff)
I could study for the quiz but I've been watching videos all afternoon about the same things in the chapers, and all morning going over those chapters in class. I can't watch any more videos because the lab is closed. I already choose my article for the first bibliography card and the Pharmacology test isn't until next Tuesday. I can't get too worked up over something that's a week away.
This is a very odd feeling. I used to always be caught up with my school work, but that slowly slipped away from me this semester for many reasons such as, but not limited to...
I have a quiz tomorrow, a test next Tuesday, two more videos to watch, and Bib card due some time soon but I don't know when and that's all for this coming week (that's not for clinical, which doesn't quite count because I can't work on that stuff)
I could study for the quiz but I've been watching videos all afternoon about the same things in the chapers, and all morning going over those chapters in class. I can't watch any more videos because the lab is closed. I already choose my article for the first bibliography card and the Pharmacology test isn't until next Tuesday. I can't get too worked up over something that's a week away.
This is a very odd feeling. I used to always be caught up with my school work, but that slowly slipped away from me this semester for many reasons such as, but not limited to...
- Books not coming on time at the beginning of the semester
- Group projects that you had to work on when everyone could be there, and some people wouldn't come
- Massive amounts of reading, so much so that I didn't even know where to start
- It's nursing! Hellooo! Insanily, huge amounts of really big, hard concepts to comprehend with insanily, huge amounts of work to go along with it!
Yeah, that's pretty much it. So, I'm caught up in work with the Med-Surg/OB switch. Or I think that I am. For the next 2 months I will be living in fear that I've forgotten something vitally important. Sometime when I'm not overly tired I'll tell you about OB and Mrs. Diller. Later.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Praise the Lord!
Some how a miracle happened today. Ms. Pusey postponed the Pharmacology test. It was supposed to be today at one and I guess that enough people ask for a postponement that she took a vote and it passed with only 3 nays. I wasn't one of them. I finally figured out one of the reasons I have been having a hard time in class and what I need to do to understand the medications.
The new OB group, which is now me, are also having our first OB test that day. I think I can handle it though. I still have a lot to do but I'm not completely freaking out like I was last night. Fernan seemed very worried about me. She lead me back to my room and ask me, gently, to go to bed.
I still have a lot to do but I have hope, which was in hiding last night.
But still pray for me.
The new OB group, which is now me, are also having our first OB test that day. I think I can handle it though. I still have a lot to do but I'm not completely freaking out like I was last night. Fernan seemed very worried about me. She lead me back to my room and ask me, gently, to go to bed.
I still have a lot to do but I have hope, which was in hiding last night.
But still pray for me.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Introducing...
My teacher, Mrs. Eleanor Pusey-Reid, the terror of nursing students everywhere. She really is great though, an excellent teacher with a wicked sense of humor. She's just very demanding and expects everyone to be the genius that she is.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Yay, yay, home!
I'm home! I haven't been home since the second or third week of school. This is particularly sad as I only live two/two and a half hours away. I have just been so, so busy that I daren't think about it before now. Jeremy had to drive home again. This is the 3rd week in a row that he's had to drive home and he probably will next week also. So... I decided that I would keep him company for the first half of his trip as our way lies together and because it's parent's weekend and my parents couldn't come down and I'm actually finished with Med/Surg.
I hear you ask "Did I hear that right? Will I finally stop reading all this angst about Ms. Pusey and Med/Surg? Oh joy! Oh bliss!" Well, yes. And that was my reaction too. It actually didn't sink in that I was really, truly done until I was at my sink washing dishes an hour after I had finished my final. I could feel weight rolling off my shoulders.
And I'm home. You always hear about kids who hate home and never come back after they leave for college or the kids who say that they don't like their parents because it's not cool to like old people or whatever. Well, I will tell you straight up, I love being home! I would have never left if I could have gotten away with it. It's probably a good thing I didn't as I really have grown up so much over the past year and a bit, but I still love being home.
And Sabbath is coming. Life is good right now.
Happy, happy, Joy, joy!
I hear you ask "Did I hear that right? Will I finally stop reading all this angst about Ms. Pusey and Med/Surg? Oh joy! Oh bliss!" Well, yes. And that was my reaction too. It actually didn't sink in that I was really, truly done until I was at my sink washing dishes an hour after I had finished my final. I could feel weight rolling off my shoulders.
And I'm home. You always hear about kids who hate home and never come back after they leave for college or the kids who say that they don't like their parents because it's not cool to like old people or whatever. Well, I will tell you straight up, I love being home! I would have never left if I could have gotten away with it. It's probably a good thing I didn't as I really have grown up so much over the past year and a bit, but I still love being home.
And Sabbath is coming. Life is good right now.
Happy, happy, Joy, joy!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Teachers are cruel
Cruel, I tell you!
I am in the nursing lab working on the 8 pediatric workbook chapters that I have to have done by Monday. I'm not studying for the Med/Surg final I have no Friday because I have all tomorrow to review and my brain is dead today and at least I'm doing something useful. So... I was just starting my fourth chapter when there was a funny scratching on the lab door. It was after six so the front doors were locked and people have to enter and exit through the tutors' office. When I glance up I see Ms. Pusey
My heart stops for a second. I'm the only current Med/Surg student in the lab. Is she coming to see me? Is there something wrong? Will she torture me for not studying for the final? She walks toward me, stately. I quickly and rather nervously turn to face her, hoping to block her view of the traitorous workbook.
Pusey: "Debbie, are you sure you copied down the answer to your test correctly?"
Me: "Ummm, yeah, I think so.... Why?"
Pusey: "I was looking at your test and your test looks like you did well but your answer sheet...doesn't."
Me: "...."
Pusey: Looks
Me: "Well, uhhh, yeah I think I did copy it down right."
Pusey: "Well, right now it looks like you have about 64%. It's in my office on the chair if you would look it over for me."
We walk briskly to her office. I see the paper. I pick it up. It's the score sheet. I look. I do not comprehend. I look for my test.
Pusey: "The score is on the bottom." Helpfully.
Me: light breaks through "Ohhhh! I didn't think it was possible! And I was warned too!"
At the bottom of the score sheet was a tally of numbers added together that I might understand how they all added up if I studied it for half an hour. The total at the bottom of the page wasn't 64%. It wasn't even 94%. I got the unachievable. I got 100%. In a class taught by Ms. Pusey. In Med/Surg. I. Am. In. Shock.
I was warned about her sense of humor, too! Last year's bachelor's students told me how she took them one at a time into her office and told them that they had failed their NCLEX exam. She got every single one of them. They told me about her. And she still got me!
She, of course, thought that this was the funniest thing ever. My story just made it better. The awful part is that if it wasn't for the fact that she played her joke of me I would find it hilarious. Life is cruel. So are teachers.
Not that I mind, mind you...
EDIT: This test was the first one whe had today, the Med/Surg Unit 3 exam. The one in the afternoon was for the NLN (national league of nursing). That one is a standardized test given to all nursing students after they finish Medical-Surgical Nursing II. It doesn't affect my grade, it's an indication on how I'll do on the NCLEX.
I am in the nursing lab working on the 8 pediatric workbook chapters that I have to have done by Monday. I'm not studying for the Med/Surg final I have no Friday because I have all tomorrow to review and my brain is dead today and at least I'm doing something useful. So... I was just starting my fourth chapter when there was a funny scratching on the lab door. It was after six so the front doors were locked and people have to enter and exit through the tutors' office. When I glance up I see Ms. Pusey
My heart stops for a second. I'm the only current Med/Surg student in the lab. Is she coming to see me? Is there something wrong? Will she torture me for not studying for the final? She walks toward me, stately. I quickly and rather nervously turn to face her, hoping to block her view of the traitorous workbook.
Pusey: "Debbie, are you sure you copied down the answer to your test correctly?"
Me: "Ummm, yeah, I think so.... Why?"
Pusey: "I was looking at your test and your test looks like you did well but your answer sheet...doesn't."
Me: "...."
Pusey: Looks
Me: "Well, uhhh, yeah I think I did copy it down right."
Pusey: "Well, right now it looks like you have about 64%. It's in my office on the chair if you would look it over for me."
We walk briskly to her office. I see the paper. I pick it up. It's the score sheet. I look. I do not comprehend. I look for my test.
Pusey: "The score is on the bottom." Helpfully.
Me: light breaks through "Ohhhh! I didn't think it was possible! And I was warned too!"
At the bottom of the score sheet was a tally of numbers added together that I might understand how they all added up if I studied it for half an hour. The total at the bottom of the page wasn't 64%. It wasn't even 94%. I got the unachievable. I got 100%. In a class taught by Ms. Pusey. In Med/Surg. I. Am. In. Shock.
I was warned about her sense of humor, too! Last year's bachelor's students told me how she took them one at a time into her office and told them that they had failed their NCLEX exam. She got every single one of them. They told me about her. And she still got me!
She, of course, thought that this was the funniest thing ever. My story just made it better. The awful part is that if it wasn't for the fact that she played her joke of me I would find it hilarious. Life is cruel. So are teachers.
Not that I mind, mind you...
EDIT: This test was the first one whe had today, the Med/Surg Unit 3 exam. The one in the afternoon was for the NLN (national league of nursing). That one is a standardized test given to all nursing students after they finish Medical-Surgical Nursing II. It doesn't affect my grade, it's an indication on how I'll do on the NCLEX.
*silence. dead, blank silence*
I'm numb. Really, really numb. I just had my unit test in medical/surgical nursing. It was big. And long. It started at 8 this morning and I finished at 11:30. Most of the rest of the class is still working on it. I don't know how many hours that is, you'll have to figure that out for yourself because my brain died the moment I set down the score sheet. At least it waited to liquefy until I was done. Don't think of asking me how it went. I will ignore you. The real kicker is that we have another test at 1:30. At least we have Thursday off before the final. I can't think beyond Friday. I don't want to. I'm going to go nap now.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Worn
I’m so tired. I could spend the next 2 weeks in bed and be very happy. It’s not so much that I’m sleepy, but that I’m weary. This semester school had drained me dry; physically and emotionally. I want to stay in my room and hide until it’s all over. The work isn’t hard, it’s just all consuming. As soon as one thing is finished and I think that I have some breathing room, something else comes up. This week is Med/Surg finals. Next week I start OB.
I have clinical today at noon and then I’m done. I’m worried how I will do. I’m not exhausted like I sometimes am, but I just don’t care. I don’t care how I do, I don’t care particularly about the patients, I don’t care about anything but just being done. That isn’t right, but I can’t call up any indignation about it. Just let me be.
I’m also worried about why I’m doing this. Why am I putting myself through this? I don’t know. I haven’t found any area that I really want to working. The thought of having to virtually go to clinicals every day is not a good thought. I don’t want to. I don’t know what I will do when I finally graduate.
I think I must be anemic. I have so little energy. I’m so tired.
I have clinical today at noon and then I’m done. I’m worried how I will do. I’m not exhausted like I sometimes am, but I just don’t care. I don’t care how I do, I don’t care particularly about the patients, I don’t care about anything but just being done. That isn’t right, but I can’t call up any indignation about it. Just let me be.
I’m also worried about why I’m doing this. Why am I putting myself through this? I don’t know. I haven’t found any area that I really want to working. The thought of having to virtually go to clinicals every day is not a good thought. I don’t want to. I don’t know what I will do when I finally graduate.
I think I must be anemic. I have so little energy. I’m so tired.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
DONE!!!
I am so much less stressed than I was earlier. On Monday I was completely hysterical/skitosophrenic/hyperventilating because today was the day for my care plan/case study presentation and I wasn't ready. My Med/surge class has seventeen students in it out of the 34 students total in the second year class. Each student had to present a patient with linking together past medical history, home medications, and the current diagnosis. Then we had to compile a complete assessment and list all nursing diagnosis, picking the three priority diagnosis to talk about in depth. We also had to have collaborative care diagnosis and explain the pathophysioloy for the major disease processes.
This doesn't sound too bad when it's all written out neatly but it isn't so much. Especially when you were never really taught how to develop nursing diagnosis in the first place. Last year the first year teachers told us to write them and, when we ask how, told us to copy out of our books. This year we are chastised if we try to do that. It makes more sense to do it the way that Ms. Pusey wants us to do it now, as the old way had nothing to do with what we were doing with the patient. However we didn't know how Ms. Pusey wanted the diagnosis to be until today, in class, while we were presenting, when she pretty much taught us what we were supposed to be doing.
I figured out that just over Monday and Tuesday I spent 20 hour working on the presentation and I probably spent at least 10 last week. And that was just me, not counting all the time the other two members of my group spent on it. The good new? We got 90% on our presentation! I think I failed to mention it but this project is fifty percent of my clinical grade! Yeah, I'm glad to have this finished.
This doesn't sound too bad when it's all written out neatly but it isn't so much. Especially when you were never really taught how to develop nursing diagnosis in the first place. Last year the first year teachers told us to write them and, when we ask how, told us to copy out of our books. This year we are chastised if we try to do that. It makes more sense to do it the way that Ms. Pusey wants us to do it now, as the old way had nothing to do with what we were doing with the patient. However we didn't know how Ms. Pusey wanted the diagnosis to be until today, in class, while we were presenting, when she pretty much taught us what we were supposed to be doing.
I figured out that just over Monday and Tuesday I spent 20 hour working on the presentation and I probably spent at least 10 last week. And that was just me, not counting all the time the other two members of my group spent on it. The good new? We got 90% on our presentation! I think I failed to mention it but this project is fifty percent of my clinical grade! Yeah, I'm glad to have this finished.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Noteworthy part 2
Sooo, I got my grades for pharmacology. I did pass and I didn't have the worst grade in the class. I got a 83% which is a B-. Not a stellar performance but if I study more and more effectively I should be able to pull myself up to at least a B+ if not an A-. It will take work, but I've dealt with that before.
So yesterday I wrote that it was noteworthy, and that was before I realized out of the blue that I have to drop out of choir. So when I went to choir yesterday night I talked with Frank and explained what was going on, how I was so busy and stressed that I couldn't put the time into it that the choir deserves. He was very understanding and said that he would miss me and maybe next semester would be better and I would be back. I hope it is.
I also got a new savings account at Workers'. This is the bank that just about all the students at AUC bank at because it's so close to the college. I'm going to try to get my check direct deposited to Workers' as I am lazy. In 2 weeks I will be getting my ATM card so that will be fun. I'm also picking up 2 extra hours of work today as Alnie can't work at all today. More money for studying it good with me!
Don't want to talk or think about school. As in what I am doing or what I need to be doing. There's a lot.
So yesterday I wrote that it was noteworthy, and that was before I realized out of the blue that I have to drop out of choir. So when I went to choir yesterday night I talked with Frank and explained what was going on, how I was so busy and stressed that I couldn't put the time into it that the choir deserves. He was very understanding and said that he would miss me and maybe next semester would be better and I would be back. I hope it is.
I also got a new savings account at Workers'. This is the bank that just about all the students at AUC bank at because it's so close to the college. I'm going to try to get my check direct deposited to Workers' as I am lazy. In 2 weeks I will be getting my ATM card so that will be fun. I'm also picking up 2 extra hours of work today as Alnie can't work at all today. More money for studying it good with me!
Don't want to talk or think about school. As in what I am doing or what I need to be doing. There's a lot.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
A day of note
One noteworthy thing that happened today was that there was a fire alarm in the girls dorm at 2 in the morning and I had to get up for clinical at 4:30 in the morning. That resulted in a very tired me working in the hospital on the floor taking care of a patient today. Mrs. Pusey grouched/yelled/chastised me for not being up to my best performance today and for not writing clearly enough on the chart. I was almost in tears at the end of the day. I had a really nice patient though, to make up for the horribleness of the rest of the day.
Another noteworthy occurrence is that when I got back to my room after dinner I had a message from one of the other students that I past the patient off to at the shift change. She was requesting that I give her a call and answer a question about my pt's output over my shift. She gave me the unit ext. but not the hospital number. I looked up the number, called them, got transferred and spoke with her all without any panic attacks. This might not sound like a very big accomplishment to most of you but I am phobic of two things: needles and phones. I've been working on the needles with some success, but phones don't like me and I don't like them. It is s red-letter day when I can call someone without having to calm and psyc myself up to dial. Sooo, yaah me!
Another noteworthy occurrence is that when I got back to my room after dinner I had a message from one of the other students that I past the patient off to at the shift change. She was requesting that I give her a call and answer a question about my pt's output over my shift. She gave me the unit ext. but not the hospital number. I looked up the number, called them, got transferred and spoke with her all without any panic attacks. This might not sound like a very big accomplishment to most of you but I am phobic of two things: needles and phones. I've been working on the needles with some success, but phones don't like me and I don't like them. It is s red-letter day when I can call someone without having to calm and psyc myself up to dial. Sooo, yaah me!
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Testing, testing
I just, just got done with my first ever pharmacology exam. I don't feel too hopeful right now. I didn't study the right things at all. I guessed on more questions than I am comfortable with. (Never mind that one is more than I'm comfortable with.... *grin*) I really felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I'm not talking with other nursing students. I don't want to know how people thought they did. I don't particularly want to know how I did. There might be a miracle and I passed well. I think I did pass; I'm just not sure by how much.
I don't think that I ever said how I did on the Med/Surg exam I had on Thursday. I told most people on the phone, but I'll say it again in cause I missed someone. I got the 2nd highest grade in the class at 96%. The whole class did really well and the head of the department congratulated us all.
It's almost time for class to start back now so... bye
I'll let you know how I really did when I find out.
I don't think that I ever said how I did on the Med/Surg exam I had on Thursday. I told most people on the phone, but I'll say it again in cause I missed someone. I got the 2nd highest grade in the class at 96%. The whole class did really well and the head of the department congratulated us all.
It's almost time for class to start back now so... bye
I'll let you know how I really did when I find out.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
"And the walls came tumbling..."
I was doing so well today. I got up at 8 this morning and studied. This is after I was up way to late last night. I was alert. I was focused (mostly). I was on the ball! And the I came to work.
Mrs. Diller wasn't there. I sat in the hall waiting for her for 10 minutes. That's fine, I know that things can come up. It is dead here so far. One person called with a question and one person stopped by with the same question (the answer was no) and that was all. Jeremy stopped by to say hi on the way to the cafe and I got to talk with Mom and Melissa. I then decided to try to get work done.
I need, need, to work on the major case study. I have a patient and a group to work on it with. I have all the books and resources. I even have the time to work on it today. What I don't have is the patient's past medical history. The other students have that and neither of them are answering their phone. See, we have to understand the disease process for everything this guy has. It took me 10 hours to do the research for the mini care plan. I have six hours today and I can't do it!
And on top of everything else something happened that has me completely wigged out. I am so confused and bemused and I don't understand what is going on. It's probably nothing. I'm imagining it. My period hormones must be affecting my mental status. No, maybe it's chronic O2 deprivation and high CO2 levels from my cold, although *that's* getting better. Thank God!
I suppose it's just that, except for a few bright spots (like seeing Melissa) last week was the hardest and worst I've ever had for school. And that's not just college. In 15 years I've never had it's equal. I need a really, really big rock to hide under for 8 months.
Mrs. Diller wasn't there. I sat in the hall waiting for her for 10 minutes. That's fine, I know that things can come up. It is dead here so far. One person called with a question and one person stopped by with the same question (the answer was no) and that was all. Jeremy stopped by to say hi on the way to the cafe and I got to talk with Mom and Melissa. I then decided to try to get work done.
I need, need, to work on the major case study. I have a patient and a group to work on it with. I have all the books and resources. I even have the time to work on it today. What I don't have is the patient's past medical history. The other students have that and neither of them are answering their phone. See, we have to understand the disease process for everything this guy has. It took me 10 hours to do the research for the mini care plan. I have six hours today and I can't do it!
And on top of everything else something happened that has me completely wigged out. I am so confused and bemused and I don't understand what is going on. It's probably nothing. I'm imagining it. My period hormones must be affecting my mental status. No, maybe it's chronic O2 deprivation and high CO2 levels from my cold, although *that's* getting better. Thank God!
I suppose it's just that, except for a few bright spots (like seeing Melissa) last week was the hardest and worst I've ever had for school. And that's not just college. In 15 years I've never had it's equal. I need a really, really big rock to hide under for 8 months.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ramblin'
Remember the whole feel-like-a-slab-of-meat-a-butcher's-about-to hack-into thing form a few days ago? Well, it turns out that the reason that I felt that way was because I was coming down with a cold. My first for the year. It couldn't have had worse timing.
What I've been doing for the past few days is
What I've been doing for the past few days is
- Finishing the "mini" care plan for Med surg. This took upwards of 20 hours and that was with 12 people working together. That was turned in on Tuesday.
- Clinical. Originally I was supposed to observe in the cardiac catheterization lab for a second time but, as one of our clinical instructors choose to go on vacation and cutting out 2 days of us being in the hospital, I had ask if I could stay on the floor this Wednesday and it was granted. Then I came down with the cold. I could just picture myself coughing and sneezing over all the patients and giving my germs which, instead of being just a cold, turned into pneumonia. I went to the cardiac cath lab.
- Studying and more studying! I just had my second Med/Surg exam and I am killing time 'til 2:30 when the results will be posted. I was so, so worried about this test. I don't have any idea of how it went, but I never do. I have been studying in (almost) every spare minute and I still feel like I should have studying more. However there truly is only so many hours a day my brain can handle thinking about respiratory diseases, especially if you have a cold and an inclination to hypochondriacism.
- NOT going to choir. The way I see it is that even with a half hour break I took around 9 pm I still had a clear 2 hours extra study time. There would have been no point in me going either because I can't talk, at least when I do talk I sound as if I smoke 5 packs a day. I could have gone and sat in a corner listening, bored, feeling guilty for not reading, and contaminating the whole choir. No, I did the noble thing and stayed home.
That's really everything except...
Melissa came to visit me! Yes, my niece! The child of my sister traveled all the way from BC to see me! Ok, fine. To see Auntie Gail and be in her wedding, but it's All About Me! She and the GMP were only here for about 2 hours before they kept on their way to Pennsylvania, but I should see them again on Sunday.
Dizzy from hypoxemia in my brain. Can't breath. Stupid fly keeps dive-bombing me. Must go. Write later. I'm sick!
Monday, September 26, 2005
On this day of September 26, 2005...
A guest blogger was born... This is just Emilie on Debb's computer. Howdydoody! Today was a long day for each of us... and other random music and nursing majors as well. Debb spent 10 hours in front of a computer screen on a project that should have only taken 5, according to the professor. I was exhausted as well from a long day... and night of studying. Frustrated mostly with the fact that I spent hour upon hour reviewing for a test that didn't find it's place in the history of Monday. But we made it! Hurrah! And now we must go to beddi-bye. Yes. Dream land awaits... may that be sweet ones for everybody! And I promise tomorrow I wont seem as crazy as I might seem at this moment.
Goodnight! With love in Jesus,
Ellie
Goodnight! With love in Jesus,
Ellie
Sunday, September 25, 2005
*whimper*
I hurt. I let Myrna and Jeremy and Emilie and Madison convince me to go, nay participate, in Almost Anything Goes. AAG's was someone's idea of a fun time. You divide the students by class and then make them compete against each other in a disgusting show of "school spirit" and "class spirit". The prize for the winners was going free to Six Flags today. Everyone else has to pay the discount price of $10.
It involved things like rolling around on the floor blowing at ping pong balls and slithering through inner tubes in groups and popping balloons with your butt while other people hold it. My knee and both hip bones are bruised from incidents while blowing ping pong around, my pelvic bones feel like they have brand-new flat spots on them form popping balloons that were blown up to the size of my fist, my elbow has the skin worn off from being hauled about on a mattress born, not in the arms, but the legs for my classmates (think very, very bumpy), my head still is pounding, and my voice sounds a step less weird than Dark Vader's. In a word, I'm a wreck. And all that for nothing. The sophomores won. Senior's were behind by one point, but we didn't win. Not that I could have gone to Six Flags anyway. (See paragraph after next)
And it stopped being Sabbath. That makes me very sad. I wish it could always be Sabbath. In other words I have been studying since 7 in the morning. That means I had six hours of sleep and those of you who have lived with me know that I like to get about 10 hours of sleep when I can. I'll do with 8, but I want 10.
My Med/Surg class has a huge, huge case study that is due on Tuesday and a very important test on Thursday, and Klavdia and I have our observation papers due on Wednesday and my group still needs to work on the major case study that is due (I think) next Wednesday. This morning and afternoon I have been working on the case study until the other students that I was working with told me that I had stopped making any sense at all and I when to read people's blogs but hardly anyone had written at all, so write people! I need entertainment! Anyway, I thought that I would write myself so you all would have something to read.
I looked really good yesterday and I got lots and lots of complements, some from people I don't really know. Well, I know them by sight because you know everyone by sight on AUC, but that doesn't count. And now I feel like a piece of meat hanging in the butcher's freezer. *Whimper*
It involved things like rolling around on the floor blowing at ping pong balls and slithering through inner tubes in groups and popping balloons with your butt while other people hold it. My knee and both hip bones are bruised from incidents while blowing ping pong around, my pelvic bones feel like they have brand-new flat spots on them form popping balloons that were blown up to the size of my fist, my elbow has the skin worn off from being hauled about on a mattress born, not in the arms, but the legs for my classmates (think very, very bumpy), my head still is pounding, and my voice sounds a step less weird than Dark Vader's. In a word, I'm a wreck. And all that for nothing. The sophomores won. Senior's were behind by one point, but we didn't win. Not that I could have gone to Six Flags anyway. (See paragraph after next)
And it stopped being Sabbath. That makes me very sad. I wish it could always be Sabbath. In other words I have been studying since 7 in the morning. That means I had six hours of sleep and those of you who have lived with me know that I like to get about 10 hours of sleep when I can. I'll do with 8, but I want 10.
My Med/Surg class has a huge, huge case study that is due on Tuesday and a very important test on Thursday, and Klavdia and I have our observation papers due on Wednesday and my group still needs to work on the major case study that is due (I think) next Wednesday. This morning and afternoon I have been working on the case study until the other students that I was working with told me that I had stopped making any sense at all and I when to read people's blogs but hardly anyone had written at all, so write people! I need entertainment! Anyway, I thought that I would write myself so you all would have something to read.
I looked really good yesterday and I got lots and lots of complements, some from people I don't really know. Well, I know them by sight because you know everyone by sight on AUC, but that doesn't count. And now I feel like a piece of meat hanging in the butcher's freezer. *Whimper*
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I love Sabbath
I have been so stressed out, crazy-insane-busy all week and it will start all over again on Sunday. But right now I have 24 hours where I can put all those worries and fears aside and just be happy. I have decided that there is an art to being happy.
One of my classmates (in nursing of course, I hardly ever see anyone else it feels like) is always so happy and cheerful. It's not a front or a show either. She's the kind of person that *dances* into her patient's room in the morning, humming all the way. She seems so care-free, so glad to be there that no matter how lonely or sad or depressed they are, they always smile back. That's the kind of person I want to be.
Today we are having student church out on the campus mall and it's supposed to only get into the high 60's today. I really love Fall! This weather is just perfect. It took me a while but I no longer hold the fact that winter is the next season against autumn. That's not its fault, so just enjoy it for itself.
There is also at least one person on campus who believes us when Jeremy and I tell them we aren't dating. So that's nice, especially after a certain nursing student who is engaged and in OB right now tried to convince us both, separately that we should be dating after we explained that we weren't. She is very persistent. I think she's high on baby hormones.
Lot's going on with school and projects and tests, but I'm not going to think about that (sing-song) because it's Sabbath!
One of my classmates (in nursing of course, I hardly ever see anyone else it feels like) is always so happy and cheerful. It's not a front or a show either. She's the kind of person that *dances* into her patient's room in the morning, humming all the way. She seems so care-free, so glad to be there that no matter how lonely or sad or depressed they are, they always smile back. That's the kind of person I want to be.
Today we are having student church out on the campus mall and it's supposed to only get into the high 60's today. I really love Fall! This weather is just perfect. It took me a while but I no longer hold the fact that winter is the next season against autumn. That's not its fault, so just enjoy it for itself.
There is also at least one person on campus who believes us when Jeremy and I tell them we aren't dating. So that's nice, especially after a certain nursing student who is engaged and in OB right now tried to convince us both, separately that we should be dating after we explained that we weren't. She is very persistent. I think she's high on baby hormones.
Lot's going on with school and projects and tests, but I'm not going to think about that (sing-song) because it's Sabbath!
Monday, September 19, 2005
What do you think?
Emilie found this. She thinks it suits me but I'm not so sure. What do you think? Ignoring the quasi-astrology mumbo jumbo, that is. Just does the discription fit, how ever they came up with it.
| Your Birthdate: January 17 |
 Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection. |
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Look what I can do!
I’ve had a hard time recently copying things from Word where I edit them into blogger so they can be posted. I just discovered that the reason why that is, is that there is a Blogger for Word application that allow you to post without having to copy and paste! So I’m just giving it a whirl and see if it really is more convenient. I might, might post more frequently if this actually does make it easier for me.
go away
Not really! I just wanted you to know that I did write an update, I just wrote it on Meditations . If for some reason you are acually interested in how my week was, go there.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
aaaagh!
I have to have my first care plan/concept mapping done tomorrow for Ms. Pusey! By clinical. That's at 6 in the morning! Why didn't I know this????
Monday, September 12, 2005
Quickly (as usual)
I have been crazy busy lately so no time to update you all. I have my first Med/Surg test on Thursday and Wednesday is the third day of clinicals and the first day with Mrs. Pusey-Reid. We are all dreading those two days.
The closest you get to an update is a photographic one. I spent too long already working on flickr so you'll have to try to extrapolate a story from them. Some of the pictures are quite good, if I do say so myself. And I do!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Two "Praise God"s
I can't find any way to write the title that looks both grammatically correct and non sacrilegious. The point is that two very important things have happened.
1. I have internet
For the past three weeks, which is since I came to college, I haven't had internet in my dorm room. If I wanted to find out what was going on in the worked I would have to use the computers in the nursing A/V lab. There are 34 second year students and 41 first year students and I don't know how many pre-nursing students all for 4 computers in the lab. Translated that means not a lot of time.
At first I (thought I) just needed to fill out a form and the IT department would allow internet access to my room. I dutifully got the form and filled it out. It asked for a MAC number. That's ok, I had gotten directions for how to find that when I picked up the form. I return to my room and wait for my computer to magically go on line. It doesn't
I try again to get the MAC number, maybe I did it wrong. There are two MAC numbers. I write both of them out and present them to the IT department and wait for my computer to magically access the internet. It doesn't. I give up.
When I go home I get a brand new computer. Get computer set up (except for the internet) and bring it home with me. Wait two days for the IT department to be open and carry the box up to them. There will be no mistakes! Come back to pick it up...and wait half an hour to talk with them. Miguel is very popular today. I finally get my turn. "Sorry, I didn't have an USB keyboard, just a mouse." Run to the dorm, get keyboard, run back to IT. Wait again for my turn. When I come, lo and behold it works! Praise God, and glory halleluiah!
Please remember that in all of the above I was in class for an average of six hours a day, generally when the IT department was open. It was a very tight juggling act of time some days. Everything happened with at least a day in between.
2. I survived my first day back at clinicals
This is such a miracle! I can't even tell you. I not only went to sleep within half an hour of going to bed (which is unheard of for anyone on the 1st day back, and very rare in any of the subsequent days), but I did well!
(Pause for a Nap)
(Return after a nap and a meal)
Sooo, where was I? Oh, yea. Clinicals went well. We are on a telemetry floor/vent floor and we had two students per patient today. One person is responsible for medications and the other for patient care. I don't know if it will be like that for the whole time and I don't know if I want it to be. It's easier to get things done that way but at the same time it will hardly be like that in "real life" and it seems almost too easy.
I was in charge of patient care and I had every thing done and was just hanging around the floor from 11 until 12 when I took the noon vital signs and gave report to the nurse. I then hung around for another half hour waiting for everyone else to do that. The pt. I got was the only one not on a ventilator and I think that might have something to do with how quickly I got everything done. I had a lot of time to talk with the pt. He led an interesting life and seemed quite willing to talk if someone would listen. Not all that crotchety at all when you have the time to listen.
When we left we found out that he had told the nurse when she came in to see him that he enjoyed having students take care of him and that we did a very good job. It isn't often that a pt. tells the nurse that a student did a good job. Maybe the instructor but not the nurse! The nurse also told me that students leave the floor not being able to give report as well as I did on the first day.
I thing today is good to make up for yesterday being awful. I don't want to go into that a lot but just to give you an idea I'll tell you one then that wasn't so good. Well, it was the 1st day of Pharmacology but that's not it. For departmental forums we watched a video about shaken baby syndrome called "Elijah's Story". It was about an 18 month old boy who was shaken to death by his father and it had all the family, including the mother and father (who is now in jail), telling the story. It had videos of Elijah a few months earlier and the video of the father reenacting what happened for the police after he admitted what happened. It was heartbreaking.
Public health announcement: Please, please folk if you are taking care of a child and you might lose your temper get out of the room or house. Call for help. Anything is better than having to deal with the pain and knowledge that one moment of temper you took the life of a child. This can happen to anyone parent, babysitter, or nurse! (Yes, there was story in out textbook about a nurse that shook a baby to death.)
Anyway, that story set the rest of the day off for me. Worry upon worry: anxiety on anxiety until I was walk around campus crying by the end of the day. I don't think I would have ever gotten to sleep if I hadn't gone through each thing I was fretting about and just given it over to God to deal with. I was asleep in twenty minutes. And today was better.
1. I have internet
For the past three weeks, which is since I came to college, I haven't had internet in my dorm room. If I wanted to find out what was going on in the worked I would have to use the computers in the nursing A/V lab. There are 34 second year students and 41 first year students and I don't know how many pre-nursing students all for 4 computers in the lab. Translated that means not a lot of time.
At first I (thought I) just needed to fill out a form and the IT department would allow internet access to my room. I dutifully got the form and filled it out. It asked for a MAC number. That's ok, I had gotten directions for how to find that when I picked up the form. I return to my room and wait for my computer to magically go on line. It doesn't
I try again to get the MAC number, maybe I did it wrong. There are two MAC numbers. I write both of them out and present them to the IT department and wait for my computer to magically access the internet. It doesn't. I give up.
When I go home I get a brand new computer. Get computer set up (except for the internet) and bring it home with me. Wait two days for the IT department to be open and carry the box up to them. There will be no mistakes! Come back to pick it up...and wait half an hour to talk with them. Miguel is very popular today. I finally get my turn. "Sorry, I didn't have an USB keyboard, just a mouse." Run to the dorm, get keyboard, run back to IT. Wait again for my turn. When I come, lo and behold it works! Praise God, and glory halleluiah!
Please remember that in all of the above I was in class for an average of six hours a day, generally when the IT department was open. It was a very tight juggling act of time some days. Everything happened with at least a day in between.
2. I survived my first day back at clinicals
This is such a miracle! I can't even tell you. I not only went to sleep within half an hour of going to bed (which is unheard of for anyone on the 1st day back, and very rare in any of the subsequent days), but I did well!
(Pause for a Nap)
(Return after a nap and a meal)
Sooo, where was I? Oh, yea. Clinicals went well. We are on a telemetry floor/vent floor and we had two students per patient today. One person is responsible for medications and the other for patient care. I don't know if it will be like that for the whole time and I don't know if I want it to be. It's easier to get things done that way but at the same time it will hardly be like that in "real life" and it seems almost too easy.
I was in charge of patient care and I had every thing done and was just hanging around the floor from 11 until 12 when I took the noon vital signs and gave report to the nurse. I then hung around for another half hour waiting for everyone else to do that. The pt. I got was the only one not on a ventilator and I think that might have something to do with how quickly I got everything done. I had a lot of time to talk with the pt. He led an interesting life and seemed quite willing to talk if someone would listen. Not all that crotchety at all when you have the time to listen.
When we left we found out that he had told the nurse when she came in to see him that he enjoyed having students take care of him and that we did a very good job. It isn't often that a pt. tells the nurse that a student did a good job. Maybe the instructor but not the nurse! The nurse also told me that students leave the floor not being able to give report as well as I did on the first day.
I thing today is good to make up for yesterday being awful. I don't want to go into that a lot but just to give you an idea I'll tell you one then that wasn't so good. Well, it was the 1st day of Pharmacology but that's not it. For departmental forums we watched a video about shaken baby syndrome called "Elijah's Story". It was about an 18 month old boy who was shaken to death by his father and it had all the family, including the mother and father (who is now in jail), telling the story. It had videos of Elijah a few months earlier and the video of the father reenacting what happened for the police after he admitted what happened. It was heartbreaking.
Public health announcement: Please, please folk if you are taking care of a child and you might lose your temper get out of the room or house. Call for help. Anything is better than having to deal with the pain and knowledge that one moment of temper you took the life of a child. This can happen to anyone parent, babysitter, or nurse! (Yes, there was story in out textbook about a nurse that shook a baby to death.)
Anyway, that story set the rest of the day off for me. Worry upon worry: anxiety on anxiety until I was walk around campus crying by the end of the day. I don't think I would have ever gotten to sleep if I hadn't gone through each thing I was fretting about and just given it over to God to deal with. I was asleep in twenty minutes. And today was better.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Random bored stuff
So it's 7:30 at night and I'm working. That really should be "working" as I am the only person in the lab so I'm not really doing anything at all; a little studying and a little internet surfing is what I'm being paid $7.25 to do. Sounds pretty cushy, right? Well, it's boring. I can't call and talk to people because there is no reception in the nursing department and the department phone died a sad and long overdue death today. So here I am.
I'm going home tomorrow for the weekend, Labor Day and all, you know. I have to get my new computer, and my stethoscope that I forgot, and the toaster that I was told last year that I couldn't have but just found out that I can, and, and something else that I can't remember right now.
I went to Choir last night. I will officially say that I am only in one (Pro-Arts) that I am auditing (you have to be registered for it so there are no class conflicts). Because I am only in one choir I am not getting any scholarship money which is fine with me. It makes it easier to drop if I am having a hard time fitting all my studying in without 2 1/2 hour a week.
The reason that I'm not in Fiat Lux is that Frank told me that it would be on Wednesday when it was really on Thursday, which is my day for serious studying and that cannot be encroached on. So I have 3 extra hours a week to study. Oh joy.
People here now. Bye
I'm going home tomorrow for the weekend, Labor Day and all, you know. I have to get my new computer, and my stethoscope that I forgot, and the toaster that I was told last year that I couldn't have but just found out that I can, and, and something else that I can't remember right now.
I went to Choir last night. I will officially say that I am only in one (Pro-Arts) that I am auditing (you have to be registered for it so there are no class conflicts). Because I am only in one choir I am not getting any scholarship money which is fine with me. It makes it easier to drop if I am having a hard time fitting all my studying in without 2 1/2 hour a week.
The reason that I'm not in Fiat Lux is that Frank told me that it would be on Wednesday when it was really on Thursday, which is my day for serious studying and that cannot be encroached on. So I have 3 extra hours a week to study. Oh joy.
People here now. Bye
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Class
I have a 15-minute break in Med/Surg II. My teacher is Ms. Pusey-Reed and even though she is demanding ("That's too general, be more specific.") she is very entertaining. I was wishing that I could video her for you all to see. She positively dances across the floor when she's excited about what she's talking about and is always acting out the illustrations. This class will be anything but boring.
However even Pusey and her enthusiasm has a hard time keeping my attention for seven hours at a time. Class yesterday and today went from 8 am to 4:30 pm with an hour break for lunch. And after we get out of the class there is still the inch thick study guide to work on and the all quizzes she passes out. Two days in class and two quizzes so far and there is still five hours left for her to pull out another one.
The topic for discussion had been fluid and electrolytes. By now we should be on to shock but we still have the rest FaE and all of acid/base before we get there. This will be a very long day...But it will be interesting!
Sandy just came up to me and ask me to take part of her shift so I will be in the class room or lab from 8 in the morning 'til 6 or 6:30 at night. I have to be done by 7:30 because I have ProArts choir art 8 pm and I need to go early to talk to Frank. I will only be taking 1 choir get no scholarship.
However even Pusey and her enthusiasm has a hard time keeping my attention for seven hours at a time. Class yesterday and today went from 8 am to 4:30 pm with an hour break for lunch. And after we get out of the class there is still the inch thick study guide to work on and the all quizzes she passes out. Two days in class and two quizzes so far and there is still five hours left for her to pull out another one.
The topic for discussion had been fluid and electrolytes. By now we should be on to shock but we still have the rest FaE and all of acid/base before we get there. This will be a very long day...But it will be interesting!
Sandy just came up to me and ask me to take part of her shift so I will be in the class room or lab from 8 in the morning 'til 6 or 6:30 at night. I have to be done by 7:30 because I have ProArts choir art 8 pm and I need to go early to talk to Frank. I will only be taking 1 choir get no scholarship.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Crazy? I was crazy once...
I am at work. I really shouldn't be on the computer, as I have to stay in a teeny tiny room and sit behind a desk until someone comes in for help. It's Sunday at 8:30 in the morning and, while there are a surprising number of students here, they have been coming in every day for a week to watch videos and they all know the drill. I could be studying but it's just too early.
Yesterday I talked to Frank. I really shouldn't have. Saying no to him makes me feel like I just shot a puppy. I was armed against singing in the large, oratorial choir (that everyone who is in a choir is suppose to be in) because I have to work at the same time. I want to sing in ProArts because they are going to sing in Carnegie Hall next spring. I went in to try to convince him that I should be able to sing in one without being in the other.
The conversation didn't go like I thought it would. He went in to the conversation trying to convince me that I should be in either all three choirs and, if that didn't work, at least ProArts and Fiat Lux. Fiat Lux (it means "let there be light" and is the college's motto) is supposed to be a small 16 voice choir that sings acappela which means that I would be one of two first sopranos. My voice isn't that good or that strong. I don't have the time to be in two choirs and take voice lessons. Oh, didn't I tell you that? If you’re in Fiat Lux you have to take one half hour voice lesson a week.
Both of these are very good reasons not to be in that or any choir, if that's the alternative to saying no. But there's the puppy look, and there's the $2000 scholarship, and there's that he had already gone to the Nursing Department director and ask her if it was possible first and she said yes "As long as none of the students had over 10 hours." Who would sing for ten hours a week? No one, that's who. Not even voice majors sing that much! There's also that I really do like singing and I would miss it if I didn't sing. But that has nothing to do with why I now have 2 choirs and a voice lesson a week.
The upside to all this is that I'm not taking any of them for credit and if my work load gets too hard I can drop them and I'll just lose the scholarship. Stay toned to find out if my insanity is acute or chronic.
Yesterday I talked to Frank. I really shouldn't have. Saying no to him makes me feel like I just shot a puppy. I was armed against singing in the large, oratorial choir (that everyone who is in a choir is suppose to be in) because I have to work at the same time. I want to sing in ProArts because they are going to sing in Carnegie Hall next spring. I went in to try to convince him that I should be able to sing in one without being in the other.
The conversation didn't go like I thought it would. He went in to the conversation trying to convince me that I should be in either all three choirs and, if that didn't work, at least ProArts and Fiat Lux. Fiat Lux (it means "let there be light" and is the college's motto) is supposed to be a small 16 voice choir that sings acappela which means that I would be one of two first sopranos. My voice isn't that good or that strong. I don't have the time to be in two choirs and take voice lessons. Oh, didn't I tell you that? If you’re in Fiat Lux you have to take one half hour voice lesson a week.
Both of these are very good reasons not to be in that or any choir, if that's the alternative to saying no. But there's the puppy look, and there's the $2000 scholarship, and there's that he had already gone to the Nursing Department director and ask her if it was possible first and she said yes "As long as none of the students had over 10 hours." Who would sing for ten hours a week? No one, that's who. Not even voice majors sing that much! There's also that I really do like singing and I would miss it if I didn't sing. But that has nothing to do with why I now have 2 choirs and a voice lesson a week.
The upside to all this is that I'm not taking any of them for credit and if my work load gets too hard I can drop them and I'll just lose the scholarship. Stay toned to find out if my insanity is acute or chronic.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Busy Bee
I have been back to college for five days now and, although school doesn't start until Tuesday, I have been very busy. Second year nursing students have to come back a week early for a review week so I have been in class from 8 in the morning until noon or even 2 in the afternoon. I have also got a job, as some of you may recall, as one of the nursing lab tutors. I started working already and already have 8 hours logged. However I can't be paid for that time yet because I was missing some of the papers I needed and I have been trying to get my supervisors signature on a few papers.
I also have been trying to get my transcript sent from UMA to AUC for the summer session. It was sent earlier, so much earlier that the teacher hadn't turned in the grades yet. I have to have the transcript here before Tuesday when classes start. I also have been having fits with my computer. Well, not so much the computer as it's internet access. I filled in the paper to request wireless internet in my dorm room but it's not working. I don't know why as the IT department hasn't been open when I have time.
Oh, and I've had to watch about six hours of nursing videos and spend some time with all my friends. They're complaining of boredom.
Today I need to watch 1 1/2 hours of videos, get the signature, talk to Frank (the choir director), and try to get some "homework" done that doesn't have to be turned in but really should be done.
I also have been trying to get my transcript sent from UMA to AUC for the summer session. It was sent earlier, so much earlier that the teacher hadn't turned in the grades yet. I have to have the transcript here before Tuesday when classes start. I also have been having fits with my computer. Well, not so much the computer as it's internet access. I filled in the paper to request wireless internet in my dorm room but it's not working. I don't know why as the IT department hasn't been open when I have time.
Oh, and I've had to watch about six hours of nursing videos and spend some time with all my friends. They're complaining of boredom.
Today I need to watch 1 1/2 hours of videos, get the signature, talk to Frank (the choir director), and try to get some "homework" done that doesn't have to be turned in but really should be done.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Squeal!!!!
I woke up this morning happy but I couldn't quite remember why. I rolled over and there, lying on my bedside table, were three sheets of paper neatly stapled together. I remember now!
I have a rather bad habit of going to bed and then staying up half the night reading in bed. So last night I was in my room reading when Dad came up the stairs and I braced myself for "Goodnight" followed in a few minutes by a brusquer "Turn out the light!" This didn't happen. Instead my parents talked with each other quietly, almost whispering, for several minutes.
I was soon back in the wilds of my story and didn't really notice that he had gone back downstairs. Sometime later (don't think of asking how long, I was reading remember?) he came back upstairs, dropped the aforesaid papers in my lap and walked out.
I found out this morning that my reaction was somewhat disappointing. My distinguished father upon delivering his gift went back to his room and put his fingers in his ears waiting for the shriek coming from my room. I won't try to deny that when I have a nice surprise or someone gives me something I might, occasionally, let loose a loud and piercing cry.
However this was completely unexpected and very much something that I wanted and when I get a surprise that is that large with nary a hint from me and it being so very nice shrieking just doesn't seem to cover it at all. I sat frozen with an idiot's grin on my face. I tried to say something, I really did, but it came out as very small squeaks. "Eee," I said and after a pause "Eee, Eeee!" It was all very mouse-like.
The following pantomime would have done a mime proud. Head up, eyes wide, and dazedly smiling I look around the room for someone to show my prize to. There isn't anyone but that small detail doesn't quite sink in. Look down at the papers then up to the nonexistent person, smile and point at the bundle and say in the most charming manner possible "Eee." This continued for several minutes until the call came to "turn the light off and go to sleep already!"
I have, up to this point, neglected to tell all you poor uninformed people what was on those three sheets of paper stapled neatly together. I'll give you a hint. There was a Dell logo on the top... And if you don't know what it is with that you obviously don't know my father very well.
So here I will try to make up for my lack of communication skills last night. Thank you. Thank you my father for a completely unexpected, though greatly appreciated, gift. It was just what I wanted and, while I could use the old one for a few more years, it will make my life much easier. And just so you don't feel totally deprived...
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
I have a rather bad habit of going to bed and then staying up half the night reading in bed. So last night I was in my room reading when Dad came up the stairs and I braced myself for "Goodnight" followed in a few minutes by a brusquer "Turn out the light!" This didn't happen. Instead my parents talked with each other quietly, almost whispering, for several minutes.
I was soon back in the wilds of my story and didn't really notice that he had gone back downstairs. Sometime later (don't think of asking how long, I was reading remember?) he came back upstairs, dropped the aforesaid papers in my lap and walked out.
I found out this morning that my reaction was somewhat disappointing. My distinguished father upon delivering his gift went back to his room and put his fingers in his ears waiting for the shriek coming from my room. I won't try to deny that when I have a nice surprise or someone gives me something I might, occasionally, let loose a loud and piercing cry.
However this was completely unexpected and very much something that I wanted and when I get a surprise that is that large with nary a hint from me and it being so very nice shrieking just doesn't seem to cover it at all. I sat frozen with an idiot's grin on my face. I tried to say something, I really did, but it came out as very small squeaks. "Eee," I said and after a pause "Eee, Eeee!" It was all very mouse-like.
The following pantomime would have done a mime proud. Head up, eyes wide, and dazedly smiling I look around the room for someone to show my prize to. There isn't anyone but that small detail doesn't quite sink in. Look down at the papers then up to the nonexistent person, smile and point at the bundle and say in the most charming manner possible "Eee." This continued for several minutes until the call came to "turn the light off and go to sleep already!"
I have, up to this point, neglected to tell all you poor uninformed people what was on those three sheets of paper stapled neatly together. I'll give you a hint. There was a Dell logo on the top... And if you don't know what it is with that you obviously don't know my father very well.
So here I will try to make up for my lack of communication skills last night. Thank you. Thank you my father for a completely unexpected, though greatly appreciated, gift. It was just what I wanted and, while I could use the old one for a few more years, it will make my life much easier. And just so you don't feel totally deprived...
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
It is over
This whole summer you have hear me complaining about summer school, at least it seems like it first with micro and then with the history CLEP. But no more! I have finally finished my "classes".
At 1 pm today I was scheduled to take my (I think) final CLEP test. I took it in UMaine Orono. I wanted to take it at UMaine Augusta because it is closer and I have been there before but, alas, the August date was full by the time I got around to signing up. So to Orono I would journey.
I have been studying history for a month and a half now and have read 2 textbook, listened to recorded college lectures, and studied the official study guide. Most of the time when I take a CLEP I'm pretty casual about the whole thing. This causes my beloved parents some anxiety. This time was no different.
Don't get me wrong, I studied. I read one college text book chapter a day, which is no easy feat, and remembered it. I made a point of comparing the differences in view points between sources. And I thought about it. However I didn't fret and once I was done for the day with what I had set for myself I was free to do what I either needed to do or wanted to do.
I got done exactly on schedule. I read the last chapter of the second book yesterday and listened to the last lecture this morning while traveling. Because I had never been to UMO before I was driven up by my mother. Mothers are nice that way. Not only do they figure out the directions and drive you but they also give you food.
So it's 9 in the morning and we're almost ready to go. Nine? Did I say nine? Yes, we left at 9:15 for a 1 o'clock appointment. Well, not exactly 1 o'clock. I got a call the night before from the test proctor asking to bump the time back to 12:30. You see, unlike UMA this college has tests set up at the testers’ convenience. You pick the day that fits your schedule and, if that day isn't already taken, pick your time from 11, 1, or 3 on that day. The proctor wanted to go home early on the day that I choose.
But all that doesn't explain why we left at 9 in the morning. Well, that is actually easily explained, but I hesitate to say it. Take a deep breath. Now let it out slowly. Good. It's a two and a half hour drive. No, that's not round trip. Even I can do the math for this little problem. 5 hours of driving in one day. And that's not even counting the hour and a half I sat taking the test.
I do joke about being terrible with math, but once again even my minimalistic math skills show a problem with leaving at nine. Count with me now! Ten, eleven, eleven thirty--why that leaves a whole extra hour before the test starts! Ah, the sweet smell of sarcasm in the evening. The idea was that we would probably get lost and that we would go and find something to eat first. Neither happened.
The fact that we didn't get lost is an out right miracle- it wasn't for lack of trying, let me tell you! Mom was driving and I was navigating. One problem though-nobody had showed me the maps first. This shouldn't regularly be a problem but remember when I said that mothers are good for figuring out direction? Mine is a little to good.
She had six different maps that all showing the same thing from a slightly different angle and, once in town, she would periodically call out things like "Quick, where's the subway!" or "We just passed Theodore Road. How many more streets left?". I would have to shuffle through all the maps until I found the right one and then figure out which direction we were going on that map and then find the point of reference, which was now long gone, and figure out the answer to the question.
As I would never answer in time she would grab all the maps from me and either look over them while she was driving or abruptly pull over onto a shoulder that wasn't quite large enough for a tricycle and then look over them. It was nerve-racking to say the least. Finally I found myself on one of the maps and ignored the rest. It was all so easy from there.
We got there safely with only slightly fraying tempers and with no appetite whatsoever, personally that is. After finding the building and room the test was in, with a brief though intense search for a bathroom between, I questioned the secretary as to when the proctor would be available. I don't pretend to hide the hope that I wouldn't have to spend the whole hour doing nothing but waiting. He wanted to get out early? Well, so did I. "I'm sorry but he's in a meeting right now. He should be out by noon and maybe before."
We leave. Go to the building across the way. It has a cafeteria. Oh! A Taco Bell! Oh. It's closed. Wander, wander, wander. Sit on comfy couches. Ummmmm. Starbuck. Oh look! Somehow a chi appeared by me! Yum. Drink, drink, read, read. Look at watch. Time to go. Rouse parent. Walk, walk, walk.
We got back to the testing center at the same time that the proctor does and, although he was surprised that I was early, he seemed pleased to see me. Yada, yada with all the preliminary stuff. I get set up in the room and the proctor leaves and, well before I tell you the rest I need to back up a little. Remember the whole "I'm so casual about CLEPs" thing? About the time we pulled onto the campus I started getting edgy.
I think I masked it pretty well. You know, have your eyes glance over people so you never really see them, step firmly, eyes ahead and everyone thinks that you are in total control. That's what you do if you're lost and you don't want anyone to know it.
Anyway, my temper might have been a little short and my eyes might have franticly scanned around me a time or two during that intervening half hour, but I think I handled it pretty well. When the door shut my composure lasted about 15 seconds. I came nigh to hyperventilating. I have only been that scared that I wasn't prepared once before. Ok, fine! Twice.
After several frantic, guilt-ridden prayers that didn't help as I couldn't think of one good reason why they should be listened too I resorted to my last-ditch calming trick. Singing "It Is Well With My Soul". Very, very quietly. I'm not completely sure why it work, maybe it puts the utter insignificants of whatever I'm worrying about in mind, but it does work.
With my mind now clear I set to work. I timed that test perfectly. After I had answered all the questions I had 16 minutes to go over all the questions that I wasn't sure of the answers. I had nine minutes left when I had finished my review. There was 90 minute for 120 questions.
If it was a normal type of a test where I didn't know the answer immediately I would have absolutely no idea how I did. I never do. There were quite a few questions that were laughably easy. No, I mean that I laughed at them. No, that's not "just an expression"! A lot of them I was reasonably sure of the answer, some I just made an educated guess, and with a few I just guessed.
I was just about to give you an example when I realized that I checked something or breather about not giving out questions or telling answers or some such thing. It may have been alright but I won't take the risk. It was a ridicules question, completely generalized and subjective with no one right answer that could possible be given.
When I was done all my nerves jumps to life again. I sat there like an idiot with my hands over my face doing Lamaze breathing. For a full minute I sat there and then with my hands still over my face I clicked "Proceed" and...
A questionnaire popped up. I filled it out and clicked "Proceed" again and another questionnaire popped up. This happened about five times. By the time my score did show I was so bemused it barely registered. "75. Hum, I needed 50. I wonder what that means. Maybe it's out of 100." I trot obediently across the hall to inform the proctor that I'm finished.
He is quite a genial person. He asks me if I did alright. I said I thought so. He inquired if the score printed. I politely said that I hadn't noticed. Upon investigation it had printed and he took up the sheet and saw my score.
"Well." he said.
"That can't be a good thing" I thought in the back of my rather numb mind
"Well! You did quite well." he said.
"That's good." I thought, numbly.
*mumble, mutter, mumble* he said.
"Pardon?"
"I said that they had better give you credit for this class, maybe you should teach it!"
" 'Scuse me?" Weakly.
"75 is two and a half standard deviations above the mean! That means your score is about the 99th percentile!" Heartily.
"Oh, thank you." Numbly.
It really is a good thing I'm so numb. That way I can't get a swelled head. I just have no comprehension of what happened. And that was seven hours ago.
At 1 pm today I was scheduled to take my (I think) final CLEP test. I took it in UMaine Orono. I wanted to take it at UMaine Augusta because it is closer and I have been there before but, alas, the August date was full by the time I got around to signing up. So to Orono I would journey.
I have been studying history for a month and a half now and have read 2 textbook, listened to recorded college lectures, and studied the official study guide. Most of the time when I take a CLEP I'm pretty casual about the whole thing. This causes my beloved parents some anxiety. This time was no different.
Don't get me wrong, I studied. I read one college text book chapter a day, which is no easy feat, and remembered it. I made a point of comparing the differences in view points between sources. And I thought about it. However I didn't fret and once I was done for the day with what I had set for myself I was free to do what I either needed to do or wanted to do.
I got done exactly on schedule. I read the last chapter of the second book yesterday and listened to the last lecture this morning while traveling. Because I had never been to UMO before I was driven up by my mother. Mothers are nice that way. Not only do they figure out the directions and drive you but they also give you food.
So it's 9 in the morning and we're almost ready to go. Nine? Did I say nine? Yes, we left at 9:15 for a 1 o'clock appointment. Well, not exactly 1 o'clock. I got a call the night before from the test proctor asking to bump the time back to 12:30. You see, unlike UMA this college has tests set up at the testers’ convenience. You pick the day that fits your schedule and, if that day isn't already taken, pick your time from 11, 1, or 3 on that day. The proctor wanted to go home early on the day that I choose.
But all that doesn't explain why we left at 9 in the morning. Well, that is actually easily explained, but I hesitate to say it. Take a deep breath. Now let it out slowly. Good. It's a two and a half hour drive. No, that's not round trip. Even I can do the math for this little problem. 5 hours of driving in one day. And that's not even counting the hour and a half I sat taking the test.
I do joke about being terrible with math, but once again even my minimalistic math skills show a problem with leaving at nine. Count with me now! Ten, eleven, eleven thirty--why that leaves a whole extra hour before the test starts! Ah, the sweet smell of sarcasm in the evening. The idea was that we would probably get lost and that we would go and find something to eat first. Neither happened.
The fact that we didn't get lost is an out right miracle- it wasn't for lack of trying, let me tell you! Mom was driving and I was navigating. One problem though-nobody had showed me the maps first. This shouldn't regularly be a problem but remember when I said that mothers are good for figuring out direction? Mine is a little to good.
She had six different maps that all showing the same thing from a slightly different angle and, once in town, she would periodically call out things like "Quick, where's the subway!" or "We just passed Theodore Road. How many more streets left?". I would have to shuffle through all the maps until I found the right one and then figure out which direction we were going on that map and then find the point of reference, which was now long gone, and figure out the answer to the question.
As I would never answer in time she would grab all the maps from me and either look over them while she was driving or abruptly pull over onto a shoulder that wasn't quite large enough for a tricycle and then look over them. It was nerve-racking to say the least. Finally I found myself on one of the maps and ignored the rest. It was all so easy from there.
We got there safely with only slightly fraying tempers and with no appetite whatsoever, personally that is. After finding the building and room the test was in, with a brief though intense search for a bathroom between, I questioned the secretary as to when the proctor would be available. I don't pretend to hide the hope that I wouldn't have to spend the whole hour doing nothing but waiting. He wanted to get out early? Well, so did I. "I'm sorry but he's in a meeting right now. He should be out by noon and maybe before."
We leave. Go to the building across the way. It has a cafeteria. Oh! A Taco Bell! Oh. It's closed. Wander, wander, wander. Sit on comfy couches. Ummmmm. Starbuck. Oh look! Somehow a chi appeared by me! Yum. Drink, drink, read, read. Look at watch. Time to go. Rouse parent. Walk, walk, walk.
We got back to the testing center at the same time that the proctor does and, although he was surprised that I was early, he seemed pleased to see me. Yada, yada with all the preliminary stuff. I get set up in the room and the proctor leaves and, well before I tell you the rest I need to back up a little. Remember the whole "I'm so casual about CLEPs" thing? About the time we pulled onto the campus I started getting edgy.
I think I masked it pretty well. You know, have your eyes glance over people so you never really see them, step firmly, eyes ahead and everyone thinks that you are in total control. That's what you do if you're lost and you don't want anyone to know it.
Anyway, my temper might have been a little short and my eyes might have franticly scanned around me a time or two during that intervening half hour, but I think I handled it pretty well. When the door shut my composure lasted about 15 seconds. I came nigh to hyperventilating. I have only been that scared that I wasn't prepared once before. Ok, fine! Twice.
After several frantic, guilt-ridden prayers that didn't help as I couldn't think of one good reason why they should be listened too I resorted to my last-ditch calming trick. Singing "It Is Well With My Soul". Very, very quietly. I'm not completely sure why it work, maybe it puts the utter insignificants of whatever I'm worrying about in mind, but it does work.
With my mind now clear I set to work. I timed that test perfectly. After I had answered all the questions I had 16 minutes to go over all the questions that I wasn't sure of the answers. I had nine minutes left when I had finished my review. There was 90 minute for 120 questions.
If it was a normal type of a test where I didn't know the answer immediately I would have absolutely no idea how I did. I never do. There were quite a few questions that were laughably easy. No, I mean that I laughed at them. No, that's not "just an expression"! A lot of them I was reasonably sure of the answer, some I just made an educated guess, and with a few I just guessed.
I was just about to give you an example when I realized that I checked something or breather about not giving out questions or telling answers or some such thing. It may have been alright but I won't take the risk. It was a ridicules question, completely generalized and subjective with no one right answer that could possible be given.
When I was done all my nerves jumps to life again. I sat there like an idiot with my hands over my face doing Lamaze breathing. For a full minute I sat there and then with my hands still over my face I clicked "Proceed" and...
A questionnaire popped up. I filled it out and clicked "Proceed" again and another questionnaire popped up. This happened about five times. By the time my score did show I was so bemused it barely registered. "75. Hum, I needed 50. I wonder what that means. Maybe it's out of 100." I trot obediently across the hall to inform the proctor that I'm finished.
He is quite a genial person. He asks me if I did alright. I said I thought so. He inquired if the score printed. I politely said that I hadn't noticed. Upon investigation it had printed and he took up the sheet and saw my score.
"Well." he said.
"That can't be a good thing" I thought in the back of my rather numb mind
"Well! You did quite well." he said.
"That's good." I thought, numbly.
*mumble, mutter, mumble* he said.
"Pardon?"
"I said that they had better give you credit for this class, maybe you should teach it!"
" 'Scuse me?" Weakly.
"75 is two and a half standard deviations above the mean! That means your score is about the 99th percentile!" Heartily.
"Oh, thank you." Numbly.
It really is a good thing I'm so numb. That way I can't get a swelled head. I just have no comprehension of what happened. And that was seven hours ago.
Monday, August 08, 2005
World's Smallest Political Quiz
I saw this a year or so back and have been looking for it since then.
The political description that fits you best is...
LIBERTARIANS support maximum liberty in both personal and
economic matters. They advocate a much smaller government; one that is limited to protecting individuals from coercion and violence.
Libertarians tend to embrace individual responsibility, oppose
government bureaucracy and taxes, promote private charity, tolerate diverse lifestyles, support the free market, and defend civil liberties.
The RED DOT on the Chart shows where you fit on the political map.
From: World's Smallest Political Quiz
The political description that fits you best is...
LIBERTARIANS support maximum liberty in both personal and
economic matters. They advocate a much smaller government; one that is limited to protecting individuals from coercion and violence.
Libertarians tend to embrace individual responsibility, oppose
government bureaucracy and taxes, promote private charity, tolerate diverse lifestyles, support the free market, and defend civil liberties.
The RED DOT on the Chart shows where you fit on the political map.
From: World's Smallest Political Quiz
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Bicycles
After I had finished reading my daily section from Cheryl's old high school American history textbook this afternoon and Dad had come to a stopping point with his project (putting all the old cd's from all the old computer program we've had, going back about ten years, into a BIG cd case) he suggested that we drive over to Crystal Springs Farm and pick some Green (and yellow and purple) beans.
We got in the car. Dad looks across the garage in the general direction of the bicycles and then at me.
"We could bike."
"It's only 3 miles round trip." I had measured it on Friday when I tried to get eggs. There were no eggs to be had. But I noticed how far it was! I also noticed that there was a very large and step hill at the end of the trip but I apparently had a brain cramp just then and forgot.
We got out of the car and climbed on our bikes instead. Over the past week I have started to bike around town when I could instead of using the car and I thought that I could handle 1 1/2 miles without to much problem. I had forgotten one thing. Dad bikes faster than I do.
I remembered to shift down gears once I remembered. I shifted down again when we got to the hill. And again. And again. Yet before I got to the top of the hill I was off the bike. It wasn't very far but I just could not make it. When I climbed off my legs buckled under me. Only by holding very tightly to the bike did I stay upright and only by concentrating very hard on the edge of the road did I not weave all over the road and into traffic.
It was only after we got to the farm that Dad reminded me of yet another thing I had forgotten. The gears on the bike I was using, which was my Mom's as I don't have a good one, were on both the right AND the left. I had in fact shifted gears down one third of what I could have.
We picked beans and then got some fresh mint, chives, and eggs. The bean plants are much lower than pea plants were. I spent the whole time on my knees shuffling along in the dirt looking for a mature bean pod which seemed scarce but obviously wasn't as there was about a pound and a half in the bags when I looked at home.
The trip home we much faster. We hit 27 mph going down that hill and, instead of the 5 minutes we took to climb it, were done with it in 20 seconds. Five minutes after that my pelvis started to ache. It felt like the bones were being pushed apart. I won't say anything to Beth when she says that her pelvic hurts ever again! And Dad seemed to be trying to go as fast on the flats as he was down hill.
I get home and my legs feel like noodles, my bottom hurts, my head aches from oxygen deprivation, and my arms and legs start to itch from the sap or something that got on me from the bean plants I was kneeling it as I forgot to bring long sleeves. Life is miserable so I do the only thing that a girl can do. I try to make life miserable for everyone else. In other words I gave birth to a small and extremely strong hissyfit instead of helping make dinner. I might not be proud of it, but there it is.
Moral? Well, there are two that come to mind. One is that it's probably worth it to be in shape when you forget things, as a general principle. The other is don't forget!
We got in the car. Dad looks across the garage in the general direction of the bicycles and then at me.
"We could bike."
"It's only 3 miles round trip." I had measured it on Friday when I tried to get eggs. There were no eggs to be had. But I noticed how far it was! I also noticed that there was a very large and step hill at the end of the trip but I apparently had a brain cramp just then and forgot.
We got out of the car and climbed on our bikes instead. Over the past week I have started to bike around town when I could instead of using the car and I thought that I could handle 1 1/2 miles without to much problem. I had forgotten one thing. Dad bikes faster than I do.
I remembered to shift down gears once I remembered. I shifted down again when we got to the hill. And again. And again. Yet before I got to the top of the hill I was off the bike. It wasn't very far but I just could not make it. When I climbed off my legs buckled under me. Only by holding very tightly to the bike did I stay upright and only by concentrating very hard on the edge of the road did I not weave all over the road and into traffic.
It was only after we got to the farm that Dad reminded me of yet another thing I had forgotten. The gears on the bike I was using, which was my Mom's as I don't have a good one, were on both the right AND the left. I had in fact shifted gears down one third of what I could have.
We picked beans and then got some fresh mint, chives, and eggs. The bean plants are much lower than pea plants were. I spent the whole time on my knees shuffling along in the dirt looking for a mature bean pod which seemed scarce but obviously wasn't as there was about a pound and a half in the bags when I looked at home.
The trip home we much faster. We hit 27 mph going down that hill and, instead of the 5 minutes we took to climb it, were done with it in 20 seconds. Five minutes after that my pelvis started to ache. It felt like the bones were being pushed apart. I won't say anything to Beth when she says that her pelvic hurts ever again! And Dad seemed to be trying to go as fast on the flats as he was down hill.
I get home and my legs feel like noodles, my bottom hurts, my head aches from oxygen deprivation, and my arms and legs start to itch from the sap or something that got on me from the bean plants I was kneeling it as I forgot to bring long sleeves. Life is miserable so I do the only thing that a girl can do. I try to make life miserable for everyone else. In other words I gave birth to a small and extremely strong hissyfit instead of helping make dinner. I might not be proud of it, but there it is.
Moral? Well, there are two that come to mind. One is that it's probably worth it to be in shape when you forget things, as a general principle. The other is don't forget!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Procrastination...
I have been meaning to write for a week. I wake up and say to myself "I think I'll update my blog today. I have such a lot to say." And then promptly forget it. Well, not really forget as much as reason myself out of it. "I do have a lot I need to write but, well, it's so hot (or humid or I'm so tired or worn out...) that my brain isn't working and I really couldn't do justice to everything that's been going on. I'll feel up to it later in the day." And then I forget.
Sabbath being what it always is in this house (everyone it asleep but me and I've had a good night's sleep) and with the weather so perfect outside that there wasn't any excuse anymore for either of my procrastinations: writing and exercising. I'm lazy and the sun is probably too high in the sky to safely be outside for a long time (yeah, guess I was wrong about the whole "no excuse" thing) so... I'm writing. (That was a moronically obvious statement. If I wasn't writing you couldn't be reading it.)
Getting to the point of all this: I haven't written in two weeks. (The whole oh-look-at-me-post-a-quiz-so-it-looks-like-I've-written-thing not withstanding, that is.) The reason, besides procrastination, is that we were on vacation for a week leaving the Monday after I saw Cats and getting back this past Monday. I couldn't write during vacation for two reasons. One is that we were just too busy. The other is that my father wouldn't let me. For 16 years he worked at a job that had moderately high visibility and some people that he came in contact with, he says, may not like him so don't tell the whole world that the house is empty!
So now that I've finally gotten around to writing about what all we did I can write it in 3 sentences. We were at Niagara Falls for a family reunion. The trip was really long, the car was really packed, and the reunion was really full of people I don't know (all the people my age were my 2nd cousin's). We did a lot of sightseeing and got to go see:
Sabbath being what it always is in this house (everyone it asleep but me and I've had a good night's sleep) and with the weather so perfect outside that there wasn't any excuse anymore for either of my procrastinations: writing and exercising. I'm lazy and the sun is probably too high in the sky to safely be outside for a long time (yeah, guess I was wrong about the whole "no excuse" thing) so... I'm writing. (That was a moronically obvious statement. If I wasn't writing you couldn't be reading it.)
Getting to the point of all this: I haven't written in two weeks. (The whole oh-look-at-me-post-a-quiz-so-it-looks-like-I've-written-thing not withstanding, that is.) The reason, besides procrastination, is that we were on vacation for a week leaving the Monday after I saw Cats and getting back this past Monday. I couldn't write during vacation for two reasons. One is that we were just too busy. The other is that my father wouldn't let me. For 16 years he worked at a job that had moderately high visibility and some people that he came in contact with, he says, may not like him so don't tell the whole world that the house is empty!
So now that I've finally gotten around to writing about what all we did I can write it in 3 sentences. We were at Niagara Falls for a family reunion. The trip was really long, the car was really packed, and the reunion was really full of people I don't know (all the people my age were my 2nd cousin's). We did a lot of sightseeing and got to go see:
- Two good friends on the trip up to New York
- One zoo
- One butterfly conservatory
- One tightrope walker, by accident (seeing him was the accident, not him tightrope walking)
- One class 6 white water rapids (no, we DIDN'T try them out-there's a $10,000 fine and that's if you survive!)
- Two Great Lakes (Lake Ontario and Lake Erie)
- One 100 year old canal a.k.a. Erie Canal
- One really big waterfall from various angles
Ok, 3 sentences and a long list. I was close.
Since we got home I haven't really done very much that is useful. I finished reading my history book, all most finished my history lectures, helped declutter a little, worked a little on getting a special music together, vacuumed, went to the library a lot (which isn't really useful at all), and helped make a salad. That is remarkably little for 5 days, especially as I got most of it done yesterday.
So there is your quick tour through the past two weeks. Hope you weren't too bored.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Book of the Bible
I saw this on Cheryl's blog and I had to give it a try...
You are Proverbs.
Which book of the Bible are you?
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You are Proverbs.
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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