I am sated with music and Christmas tonight. I just got back from a Christmas Wind Ensemble concert. Four members of my family played and, though I’m not biased at all, I think it went very well and if I heard a squawk or two from the clarinet section I would never mention it!
It took place in the Bowdoin College Chapel which is stunning. I remember it seeming huge when I was there as a child, and ancient. The pews are set sideways along the aisle so the patrons can see the grand processionals. Along the walls are darkly stained wood panels and above those are murals painted on the walls that are 20 feet or more in height that depict scenes from the Bible. It was all Very Impressive.
And yet for all that the first thought that I had when I walked in was surprise at how small the chapel was. It couldn’t have been more than 60 feet long. Partway through the program my imagination hijacked the rest of my mind and took me for a bit of a ride. I had been gazing at the painting in front of me for a while listening to the music when I happened to glance upward. Above the murals were painted geometric shapes that interweave amongst each other and above that was the roof. This wasn’t any roof, this roof was painted the perfect sky blue that Michel Angelo used for the Sistine Chapel. Over this canvas was sprinkled shining, golden stars. I think they were Star of David’s though I can’t quite recall. The supporting beams were carved and painted to match.
When I saw, truly saw, how tall this small chapel was something clicked, or snapped, in my mind and the perspective shifted. This wasn’t a forty or fifty foot tall solid stone building, this was a dolls-house size chapel that was waiting for the small girl it was crafted for to tear open the wrappings and lift the hinged roof to stare in awe at her new toy. I could see the roof tilt upwards and the shining eyes widen in surprise. I could hear the “Oh! Oh!” the exclamations of “Look at the darling little people! And the pretty walls! Oh! Real electric lights that work!” Brendan, who was conducting, became a mechanical puppet who moved along with the rest of his band when a key was turned. This Christmas toy rivaled both Drosselmeyer’s creation and Princess Margaret’s Dollhouse.
After blinking firmly once or twice I could see that the people around me were real and that the building wasn’t a dollhouse but a substantial, solid building that’s well over a hundred years old. But over the evening my vision kept slipping between realities.
Now I’m home with more Christmas music playing and the smell of fresh baked cookies wafting through the air and now I can believe that Christmas has come. I can also almost, almost believe that somewhere a little girl just opened the best present she has ever gotten.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Reflections
I'm home for Christmas now. I've actually been home since late Thursday night or early Friday morning depending on how you look at things. Emilie came with me. We're going to Sandy and Andrea's wedding today up around Waterville. Emilie was going to have to drive up this morning after getting back from the choir trip to DC at 5 in the morning. Not so much fun, eh? However she has laryngitis and is barred from singing for another week by her music teacher. So she came with me instead.
We just might get the apartment after all. We have to get permission from the college to move off campus, which is mildly ridicules. I'll be 22 by the time we move in and I'm responsible. I can guarantee that I'm much, much too staid to have parties lasting half the night or whatever else they’re worried about. It would just be Emilie and I if we actually can do this.
The one we’re thinking of is the smaller of the 2 apt that we viewed. It’s described as “one and a half bedrooms” and has an antique heating system that seems to work beautifully still. Sorry, no pictures. The family that’s there now is still moving out so there was a lot of stuff everywhere.
The semester is finally over. It’s done. I passed. I passed my first Med/Surg class with Ms. Pusey and I passed Mrs. Diller’s OB class in which she plays favorites and I passed Pharmacology even though I had no time to study for it. At the beginning of the semester the teachers told us that we would have to work hard but when we think about it afterwards we would see that it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t believe them then. I’m still trying to decide if I believe them now. I don’t think so.
This semester destroyed me; physically, emotionally, and spiritually too, though I’m ashamed to admit it. I don’t actually remember large portions of the semester. I know that I went through the last week of Med/Surg but I don’t remember doing it. I didn’t ever realize that until someone in second rotation ask me what to expect and I realized that I didn’t have a blessed clue. About half of OB is a complete blur to me. I remember impressions and feelings, but not actual events.
It’s a very odd feeling to realize that it’s only 7 days until Christmas. It feels to me like it should be at most November 18 instead of December 18. Looking back to summer confuses me because I feel like school has just started but also that it has been going on forever. Microbiology seems an age ago and last semester longer then a life time. It wasn’t though because it all just finished.
So to recapitulate, I have got a lot of knowledge in the past five months but very little wisdom. In addition, the knowledge I have has been leaking out of my brain because it’s reached full capacity and more stuff keeps coming. Some of what overflowed was my memory, because that’s “obviously” expendable.
Its okay folks, I’ve come to an end of my rambles. No more torture for you. For now that is. Just wait ‘til next year.
We just might get the apartment after all. We have to get permission from the college to move off campus, which is mildly ridicules. I'll be 22 by the time we move in and I'm responsible. I can guarantee that I'm much, much too staid to have parties lasting half the night or whatever else they’re worried about. It would just be Emilie and I if we actually can do this.
The one we’re thinking of is the smaller of the 2 apt that we viewed. It’s described as “one and a half bedrooms” and has an antique heating system that seems to work beautifully still. Sorry, no pictures. The family that’s there now is still moving out so there was a lot of stuff everywhere.
The semester is finally over. It’s done. I passed. I passed my first Med/Surg class with Ms. Pusey and I passed Mrs. Diller’s OB class in which she plays favorites and I passed Pharmacology even though I had no time to study for it. At the beginning of the semester the teachers told us that we would have to work hard but when we think about it afterwards we would see that it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t believe them then. I’m still trying to decide if I believe them now. I don’t think so.
This semester destroyed me; physically, emotionally, and spiritually too, though I’m ashamed to admit it. I don’t actually remember large portions of the semester. I know that I went through the last week of Med/Surg but I don’t remember doing it. I didn’t ever realize that until someone in second rotation ask me what to expect and I realized that I didn’t have a blessed clue. About half of OB is a complete blur to me. I remember impressions and feelings, but not actual events.
It’s a very odd feeling to realize that it’s only 7 days until Christmas. It feels to me like it should be at most November 18 instead of December 18. Looking back to summer confuses me because I feel like school has just started but also that it has been going on forever. Microbiology seems an age ago and last semester longer then a life time. It wasn’t though because it all just finished.
So to recapitulate, I have got a lot of knowledge in the past five months but very little wisdom. In addition, the knowledge I have has been leaking out of my brain because it’s reached full capacity and more stuff keeps coming. Some of what overflowed was my memory, because that’s “obviously” expendable.
Its okay folks, I’ve come to an end of my rambles. No more torture for you. For now that is. Just wait ‘til next year.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Busyness
Apartment-
The guy called back and we're seeing it tomorrow. It looks like we might actually be leaving the dorm. Please keep praying that it works out it this is the right thing/place. I'm starting to get panic-y about the whole on-my-own-responsible-adult thing. And that's with a lot of help from kind and loving parents.
School- yeah, still have 2 tests left. didn't get the pharmacology final done because it's postponed until Friday at 8 am. School officially ends on Thursday. The girls dorm starts charging you if your here after school is out. I'm going to talk with the dean.
Dorm-
On top of everything else that's going on in that area there's bedbugs now. Not on my hall, praise God! But that's still disgusting. I also should move out completely if I'm actually getting the apartment.
That's all, I think. Could be wrong, you never know. I'll keep you updated on the Amazing Adventures of the Stressed Out College Student! Oh joy.
The guy called back and we're seeing it tomorrow. It looks like we might actually be leaving the dorm. Please keep praying that it works out it this is the right thing/place. I'm starting to get panic-y about the whole on-my-own-responsible-adult thing. And that's with a lot of help from kind and loving parents.
School- yeah, still have 2 tests left. didn't get the pharmacology final done because it's postponed until Friday at 8 am. School officially ends on Thursday. The girls dorm starts charging you if your here after school is out. I'm going to talk with the dean.
Dorm-
On top of everything else that's going on in that area there's bedbugs now. Not on my hall, praise God! But that's still disgusting. I also should move out completely if I'm actually getting the apartment.
That's all, I think. Could be wrong, you never know. I'll keep you updated on the Amazing Adventures of the Stressed Out College Student! Oh joy.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Almost finished
I only have three more finals and the NLN left. I can focus on OB and Pharmacology now as I have finished with pediatrics. I don't feel quite so sinking. But time is still an issue.
In our...abundant...spare time Emilie and I have been apartment hunting. The dorm has gotten worse noise-wise and the cafeteria never has anything that Em can eat anymore. The problem is that everything in the area is very expensive. We are poor college students and can't afford to each spend $300-$400 a month, not counting utilities. We found a couple of less expensive apartments in the area and gave them a call. Now we're waiting for a reply. The question is, how long do you wait before you try calling again?
We've both been praying a lot that the right thing works out. At this point it seems to me as though it will take God's direct intervention to actually get out of the dorm this coming semester. There are just so many factors that would have to be just right and happen just at the right time. I wish we could have started intensely looking earlier in the semester (much earlier) but it really wasn't possible.
I finally got a hold of the right person to ask about the 40 community service hours we have to have before graduation. It turns out that there is an official form that has to be filled out with people's signatures and all. When I went and spoke with the women in charge of that department last spring she was quite brusque with me and didn't really give me any information or forms or anything. This time I spoke with a student worker who was very helpful.
To get credit for the 20+ hours I volunteered over the summer I need to fill out a form, get the supervisors signature on *that* form instead of the homemade one I whipped up, get my advisor's signature, and write a 3 page paper on what I learned or some such thing. I got an extra form for winter break, just in case.
Mmmm, must go study for the next exam. Home on Thursday! Yay!
In our...abundant...spare time Emilie and I have been apartment hunting. The dorm has gotten worse noise-wise and the cafeteria never has anything that Em can eat anymore. The problem is that everything in the area is very expensive. We are poor college students and can't afford to each spend $300-$400 a month, not counting utilities. We found a couple of less expensive apartments in the area and gave them a call. Now we're waiting for a reply. The question is, how long do you wait before you try calling again?
We've both been praying a lot that the right thing works out. At this point it seems to me as though it will take God's direct intervention to actually get out of the dorm this coming semester. There are just so many factors that would have to be just right and happen just at the right time. I wish we could have started intensely looking earlier in the semester (much earlier) but it really wasn't possible.
I finally got a hold of the right person to ask about the 40 community service hours we have to have before graduation. It turns out that there is an official form that has to be filled out with people's signatures and all. When I went and spoke with the women in charge of that department last spring she was quite brusque with me and didn't really give me any information or forms or anything. This time I spoke with a student worker who was very helpful.
To get credit for the 20+ hours I volunteered over the summer I need to fill out a form, get the supervisors signature on *that* form instead of the homemade one I whipped up, get my advisor's signature, and write a 3 page paper on what I learned or some such thing. I got an extra form for winter break, just in case.
Mmmm, must go study for the next exam. Home on Thursday! Yay!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
hmmm, work...
I've been in the nursing department from 8 this morning and I will be here until 9 tonight, with only 2 half hour breaks, one for lunch and one for supper. The amazing think is that I've actually been studying/working the whole time. Well, almost the whole time. There was about 1/2 an hour.... weel...about five of us were "studying" just not *really*... But that hardly counts....
For those of you who want to know my exam schedule is as follows:
1) Pediatric exam on Friday
2) Pediatric final on Monday
3) pharmacology final on Tuesday
4) OB unit 4 exam on Tuesday
5) OB cumulative on Wednesday
6) NLN on Wednesday
The NLN doesn't count towards my grade, it's a national standardized test that we have to take.
Other people are here talking about what we/I need to study for on the Pedi test and I'm getting nervous. Byeya,
Debb
For those of you who want to know my exam schedule is as follows:
1) Pediatric exam on Friday
2) Pediatric final on Monday
3) pharmacology final on Tuesday
4) OB unit 4 exam on Tuesday
5) OB cumulative on Wednesday
6) NLN on Wednesday
The NLN doesn't count towards my grade, it's a national standardized test that we have to take.
Other people are here talking about what we/I need to study for on the Pedi test and I'm getting nervous. Byeya,
Debb
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
It's Finished!
Clinicals, that is, and in one week school will be too. I'm just starting to believe that this semester won't go on forever. I didn't quite believe it near the end. And when I did I wished that it wouldn't because I would have to go through the last week and a half of school. Now I'm in the middle of it and am blessedly numb.
I really have very little to say. Not much has been happening that is worth writing down. I just keep thinking that if I don't write for a while everyone will think I've curled up and died under a mountain of work. It's not like I actually get to talk to people, you know.
It's exactly 20 miles to the hospital I had clinicals at this semester. I've be going there at least 2 days a week for 3 months and I just realized that today, on the last day.
I think I'm getting sick. Emilie has laryngitis, which is great being a voice major and having her major Final be singing, and I think I got her bug. When I woke up this morning my throat was raw and my nose was stuffy. Oh joy.
Some of the Med/Surg students on my hall were up last night working on their Care Plan when I went to bed and were sill up when I left for clinicals at 5:30. The presentation was (is still?) today.
A thoughtful Pearl Harbor Day to you.
Debb
I really have very little to say. Not much has been happening that is worth writing down. I just keep thinking that if I don't write for a while everyone will think I've curled up and died under a mountain of work. It's not like I actually get to talk to people, you know.
It's exactly 20 miles to the hospital I had clinicals at this semester. I've be going there at least 2 days a week for 3 months and I just realized that today, on the last day.
I think I'm getting sick. Emilie has laryngitis, which is great being a voice major and having her major Final be singing, and I think I got her bug. When I woke up this morning my throat was raw and my nose was stuffy. Oh joy.
Some of the Med/Surg students on my hall were up last night working on their Care Plan when I went to bed and were sill up when I left for clinicals at 5:30. The presentation was (is still?) today.
A thoughtful Pearl Harbor Day to you.
Debb
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Mmmm, snow
I woke up this morning and it was snowing. I love snow. Well, I love it when it is snowing. I'm not so happy with the cleaning it up afterwards. But SO would rather have snow than rain. I've been playing Christmas music with the twinkle lights on in my room while I study so I feel very Christmas-y today.I still have an incredible amount to do for school. I can't wait for the semester to be over. It would be nice to have the people from school without the huge workload or stress that goes with school. That, I know, isn't ever going to happen but it's a nice suppose.
Must get back to work now. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Debb
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wow
God is way good. Mrs. Diller postponed when the care plan is due until Tuesday at 4. This is actually the second time that it's postponed. It was supposed to be done this Tueday. As in two days ago.
I'm also still awake from the caffine. I got about 3 or 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm really wide awake. This is very good as with 7-8 hours of sleep I always almost fall asleep when Mrs. Diller is teaching. That would be a bad thing. Today I am paying the most attention that I ever have in OB. I hope that it lasts longer through the day. I still have a lot to do but I just might have time to do it all and I just might have the energy, too.
And? On top of everything else? The dorm is having double credit worships next week and I might actually be able to get all the worship credits in that I need. That means that I a) wouldn't have to pay money and b) wouldn't get a letter of warning. Can't really explain the penal code of the dorms but that's bad. It stays on your record for the rest of your stay in the dorm.
So? Yay! Happy me. Still stressed, but hopeful now.
I'm also still awake from the caffine. I got about 3 or 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm really wide awake. This is very good as with 7-8 hours of sleep I always almost fall asleep when Mrs. Diller is teaching. That would be a bad thing. Today I am paying the most attention that I ever have in OB. I hope that it lasts longer through the day. I still have a lot to do but I just might have time to do it all and I just might have the energy, too.
And? On top of everything else? The dorm is having double credit worships next week and I might actually be able to get all the worship credits in that I need. That means that I a) wouldn't have to pay money and b) wouldn't get a letter of warning. Can't really explain the penal code of the dorms but that's bad. It stays on your record for the rest of your stay in the dorm.
So? Yay! Happy me. Still stressed, but hopeful now.
Yep, that time's right
It really is almost 3 in the morning. I'm working on my care plan for OB and have been for the past almost 6 hours, with a few breaks due to friends emergencies and sometimes just needing to Stop. Working. On the &@ $#%* thing! I can't think of how much I still have to do.
There is a reason why I don't normally drink caffeinated beverages. So when I have to do something like this it actually works. I had 1 1/2 cups of Dr. Pepper (soda fountain cups) and half a large Vanilla Chia from Dunken Donuts. That was around 10. It's just starting to wear off.
I hoped to be done around 4. I don't think I will be but I'm going to stop anyhow. I do have class in the morning, after all. I think I might be able to nap in the afternoon. I hope. I don't think I'll be able to do a lot with the Pharmacology project that I should have in some form of organization by 4 as that's when my group is meeting with the teacher to go over what we have so far. Me? Nothing, almost. Incidently, 4 is also when the care plan is due, so I do have between 10:30 and 4 to work on it. Well, except for the time my Pharm group is meeting to review so it appears that we did more than throw something together at the last minute. Don't know how long that will take.
I also realized that I have one week and one day until finals are over. That means that I'm dead. Six exams in as many days. Two of those days are over the weekend. Five of those exams are in the same class. One of those exams is over information we haven't covered since the week before school started. Yeah, I'm in trouble.
*sigh* Pray for me. I need it.
There is a reason why I don't normally drink caffeinated beverages. So when I have to do something like this it actually works. I had 1 1/2 cups of Dr. Pepper (soda fountain cups) and half a large Vanilla Chia from Dunken Donuts. That was around 10. It's just starting to wear off.
I hoped to be done around 4. I don't think I will be but I'm going to stop anyhow. I do have class in the morning, after all. I think I might be able to nap in the afternoon. I hope. I don't think I'll be able to do a lot with the Pharmacology project that I should have in some form of organization by 4 as that's when my group is meeting with the teacher to go over what we have so far. Me? Nothing, almost. Incidently, 4 is also when the care plan is due, so I do have between 10:30 and 4 to work on it. Well, except for the time my Pharm group is meeting to review so it appears that we did more than throw something together at the last minute. Don't know how long that will take.
I also realized that I have one week and one day until finals are over. That means that I'm dead. Six exams in as many days. Two of those days are over the weekend. Five of those exams are in the same class. One of those exams is over information we haven't covered since the week before school started. Yeah, I'm in trouble.
*sigh* Pray for me. I need it.
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