Wednesday, January 25, 2006

All over again

So. School started. This is the second day of classes and I'm still alive. I understand what's being taught. I haven't even gone through what was previously the prerequisite first-day-of-nursing-class panic. When I heard what we are required to do I just thought "Oh, ok. I can do that. I've done it before." So I should be doing very well.

But it's already started again. I always forget about it and when I remember it becomes minimized, marginalized. I always seem to think that it will be better this time. I'm alone, separate. Everyone else seems to know each other, seems to see each other. They have classes together, they room together, they eat together and than I wander in—the intruder. I know it's all in my head, but that doesn't stop it.

With a very few exceptions every human contact that I have is superficial froth. Don't think I don't know that in every interaction there's some degree of froth, I do. But it hurts when it comes from people I thought I was closer to then that. When that happens every interaction that is meaningless hurts.

Don't mind me. Just feeling a little blue. Apparently no one outside of the nursing department has school work to do. I’m just alone tonight. Don’t worry. It should be better later.


Mama Bird said...

Hugs to you--it will get better as you get back into the groove...and the procrastinaters finally start studying, as well.

LarryandJean said...

It never ends, I fear. I lived with it too. It wasn't as bad after Mom and I got married - I had a friend around to keep me grounded. I missed a lot of beach parties, hikes, socials, gathering, etc. during my academic career and 19 years of practice.


Qwerty said...

See, that's the thing. I *know* that, and I've always known that, but sometimes I just can't believe it. Well, I'll survive. Everyone does.