All over again

So. School started. This is the second day of classes and I'm still alive. I understand what's being taught. I haven't even gone through what was previously the prerequisite first-day-of-nursing-class panic. When I heard what we are required to do I just thought "Oh, ok. I can do that. I've done it before." So I should be doing very well.

But it's already started again. I always forget about it and when I remember it becomes minimized, marginalized. I always seem to think that it will be better this time. I'm alone, separate. Everyone else seems to know each other, seems to see each other. They have classes together, they room together, they eat together and than I wander in—the intruder. I know it's all in my head, but that doesn't stop it.

With a very few exceptions every human contact that I have is superficial froth. Don't think I don't know that in every interaction there's some degree of froth, I do. But it hurts when it comes from people I thought I was closer to then that. When that happens every interaction that is meaningless hurts.

Don't mind me. Just feeling a little blue. Apparently no one outside of the nursing department has school work to do. I’m just alone tonight. Don’t worry. It should be better later.

g-aaack

That is supposed to be a sound of distress. It doesn't come across so well when typed as when said. Today I go back to college. Yes, I have now been the whole winter break with writing next to nothing. "Why?" you ask. Because, silly, I didn't want to! Nothing very fascinating happened anyway. I'm 22 now and have had no great revolutions to my character. I've traveled up to Bangor and reacquainted myself with an old friend (and, you know, with the person I was visiting....) I've seen relatives of various kinds, although all paternal. And I've done a lot of nothing.

Anyway...sound of distress. I packed all day yesterday. I hate packing. I always end up in heap of quivering humanity, weeping copious amounts of tears and "snut". Being a) a perfectionist, b) someone who is violently opposed to any change whatsoever, and c) someone who formerly has NO EXPERIENCE MOVING would very easily cause that to happen.

Now I just have to drive 2 1-2 hours and unpack the *^%$#@ thing! And at the dorm too, worst luck. No apartment for me yet. pooy

Silly Quiz

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?