Monday, November 28, 2005

The folly of teachers

Sooo. Anyone remember the Pharmacology exam that I took home to do over the break?

The one with 150 problems that "will take about 5 hours for you to research"? The one I had two panic attacks about? The one that took me at least 1 1/2 hours to do 30 problems before I took a good, hard look at everything else I had to do and decided to chucked it out the window, proverbially speaking? The one other nursing students spent all weekend working on?

Well, it turns out that the teacher took a copy of the test home with her and tried her hand at it over break. In clinics today she asked 2 students if they did the exam. They said "Yes." She laughed. It turns out that the author of this particular torture "had problems" answering her own questions!

Fie! Fie, I say!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Oh!

Vacation. Oh, vacation! Oh, oh, vacation. Yay, oh yay! Oh, Mmmmmm.

The traffic will be awful. I'm so glad I'm not going on 190. They only had one lane open. Some genius thought it would be a good idea to repaint lines on the busiest traffic day of they year. I don't hear anything to bad for 495 though. I'm listening to the radio, I found the station I had last year that plays continues Christmas music from the week before Thanksgiving until Christmas day.

I'm leaving at 9. I wanted to get out 1/2 hour earlier but I couldn't get a hold of one of the people I'm driving so we're sticking with the original plan.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 chapter test! Care Plan! 5 hour take-home test! Pharmacology test! Labor and delivery in clinicals! Teaching Paper! Bib cards! Busy! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Passing

Just got my grade of far in Pharmacology which, as you may have noticed, isn't my best class. Soooo... turns out I'm not doing as bad as I thought. I have a B so far. About an 88% so far. If I'm a total genius with neuro meds I could conceivably pull myself up to an A-. That would be very good.

Oh, and I just figured out one of my problems with OB. I've been trying to sit down and learn it all in one big session a day. This didn't work so well. I'm actually going to take my own advice for once and just pick up my books several times through the day and study for 20 to 30 minutes and no more. Good thing I figured it out now because we have another test on Tuesday.

It's also that time of year again...Pre-registration!!! Yay! Or not. I have an appointment with Mrs. Diller (Why yes! The teacher of the class I really, really, dislike is also my adviser. At least she likes me. She complemented my teeth today when I was making my appointment. Yes, my teeth.) today at 3:30 after Pharmacology. It shouldn't take a very long time as I only have the core nursing classes left to take for my associates. It's the bachelors degree that's going to give me fits trying to get it all in. Although all I have left is statistics and two religion classes besides my nursing classes. Hmmmmm….

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Indian Summer

When I went outside today the weather was beautiful. The sun was out and there was a gentle breeze that was pushing puffy clouds through the sky. It felt like it was spring already. It was wonderful. I saw so little of it. I had to work all afternoon in a hot, stuffy room that never seems to have sunlight reach it. I just caught a glimpse of what beauty and life and wonder was, then I was shut out from it all.

I caught a glimpse of what life was supposed to be like this weekend. Miss Elizabeth came down for the prayer conference that was held here at AUC. She stayed in my room for the weekend and we got to talk again. I also got to got to some of the meetings for the prayer conference. I reminded me what life used to be like. I also got a glimpse of what my life was supposed to be like. Not an "I will do this and this and this and marry this person and have X number of children" kind of thing, but a reminder that there is more to life than school and hanging out with friends and sometimes getting to read a book for fun.

In my mind I saw a peek of an abundant life. I don't know how to get to it though. I used to think that I knew, but I don't, not anymore at least. I ache for it, I crave it. But not enough. Not enough to sacrifice, to go without sleep, to risk failing. I'm stuck in this sham life because I can't seem to wake up to reality enough to risk everything I have now for all the glory life could be.

It was wonderful, that moment, that view of life. I can't write about it, I can't describe it. Everything in life wasn't perfect but I could see the harmony in it all and I could see God's hand guiding. I know that that is how life is meant to be seen, but I can't shift the paradigm.

In my mind I know that there is hope that I will find perfection, that there is strength for me to live. It's promised. But now I feel so weak and so hopeless that I will ever stand again. That I will ever see beyond the superficial and find what I was meant to be.

I don't know how to close. I have so many thoughts and yet my mind seems so empty when I try to type. Inside I think I might know what I need to do but I'm not sure of anything anymore. I fell as if I've fallen so far. Not out of His grace, never that, but so far from Him all the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is this...Pray for me.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Untitled

Classes all day
Study all night
Quizzes and projects and tests.

Watch the lamp burn,
As the oil dissolves
The flame is flickering fast.

The soul of my body,
The spirit inside,
Falters and fades and dies.

Education, degree,
Money, and job.
That's the price I've set on myself.

One I may gain,
The other I've lost.
And then does the first really matter?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Holiday

Yesterday at chapel, which I didn't go to because I was franticly studying for my pharmacology test, the president made an announcement. In celebration of regaining complete accreditation Thanksgiving weekend will start on Tuesday at noon instead of Wednesday at noon. For nursing students this translates into Tuesday after Pharmacology finishes, which is about 3:30. We're supposed to have an "on-site clinical day", whatever that means, on Wednesday for OB but we'll just go from 7-12 on Tuesday to make up for the lost time.

I don't know when I'll be leaving as I'm bringing two people up to Maine and I don't know when they will want to go. I'm half way inclined to just leave at 8 or 9 in the morning Wednesday, leaving myself plenty of time to pack the night before. I don't know what I'll do.

I'm so not saying anything because I'm not supposed to know about it, but in 5 or 6 years AUC will be awesome. Can't give details 'cause officially I don't know details (or anything, remember?) but it'll be good. Keep posted for official announcements. There will also be an article in the Adventist review about all the changes going on here, with photography by... Jeremy! Not my story, so I won't tell it. If you want to know go bug him at his
blog.

Hmmm, what else? I know there's lots of stuff but I just can't think of it or don't what to write about it (in the case of school, I think about that enough, I won't write about it too). So I guess I'll sign out now.






bye

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Good times

Don't have much time, but I had a really good weekend. My sister came to see me (Beth) and I got to hike a mountain, and I watched Batman Begins for the first time and The Transporter for the third or fourth, and I curled my hair and it stayed that way, and I had a two non-nursing non-fluffiness conversations in the same day, and I only have 3 days left of clinicals on Friday, and I had monsarella sticks (no idea how to spell that) and chocolate. Now I'm really busy and I don't know how I'm going to get everything done but I'm holding on to that happy feeling while I work. No panic for me! Not today at least.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Me as Tea

Chamomile Tea
Chamomile Tea...
You are Chamomile Tea.
Your an original! Helpful to anyone in need and
always willing to lend a hand, you take action
but not through violence. People listen to you
for you have a knack for giving wonderful
advice! Many look up to you and you try your
best not to let them down. You have many
friends steadfast or no who consider themselves
lucky to be near you. You may have been hurt in
the past but you dont let that stand in your
way! You have a wonderful outlook on life and
try to see the good in people which is an
awesome gift!


What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla

"The Bowels of Hell"

I just got back from clinicals a little bit ago. I got changed, gathered my clothes, and carried them to the floor above mine where there is a washer and dryer. As I walked through the mostly deserted hall I overheard a snippet of a conversation. "The basement here is the bowels of hell, gosh." Not are like the bowels of hell, they are the bowels of hell. Skeptics beware. There is a hell and I know where it is now. In the basement of Preston Hall.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Will it break? It will not break! Oh, it broke.

I've tried to post 2 or 3 times this past week and it never worked, so I'm trying at the nursing lab. I just got the grades for the second pharmacology exam. Half the class failed. I wasn't in that half so I'm happy. Some lucky soul (interpret that how ever you like) actually got 98%. I didn't. I did pretty well; I tied with someone at 93%. That will bring my overall grade up to a B+, I think. I hope.

We're having our first OB test on Monday, another pharmacology test and a quiz on fetal monitoring (which we just went over in class, leaving me utterly bemused) on Tuesday. There is also three take-home pharmacology quizzes due Tuesday, new video's to watch this week for OB, the first bib card due Monday, along with the newborn assessment for clinicals which is also due Monday. Oh, and I should get the teaching report done for OB clinicals out of the way before class gets busy.

I really live in the nursing department. I never see anyone who isn't a nursing student. If I try to talk with people it always turns to nursing because that's all I can ever think about. The little amount of small talk that I used to be able to spin has disappeared in the wind. I feel forgotten by the world. How can I be friends with people I talk to once a week, if that? All that I used to be, everything that made me myself is slowly being sucked out of me until all that is left is nursing.

I truly didn't mean to get on about this, just now. I really didn't. It's been sitting in the back of my mind for almost a week and I guess that it just needed to come out. I'm really not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I guess I miss being a person and not just a nursing student.